Gilmore Girls
Driving Miss Gilmore

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C'mon Baby, Drive My Car

At Sookie and Jackson's, the paranoia is setting in. Jackson pulled up all the plants and brought them all back to the house in trashbags. "What was I to do?" he asks. "If I put it in the garbage, the garbage man could see it." Sookie says yeah, and the garbage man looks like a fink. Jackson says that they can't put it down the disposal for the same reason -- if it clogs, they'll have to call a plumber and then he'll see it. "That guy," Sookie says, "seems like a big fat fatty fink." They fight over the situation, which seems to have no escape route. "Burning it seemed like a really bad idea!" Jackson says, and I agree, though, man oh man, I'd love to see Taylor mellow out a little. Or a lot. It might take all four of Jackson's huge trash bags just to get the job done. They decide that they simply have to get rid of it, but will have to wait until dark.

At Logan's, Rory is ranting over The Wall Street Journal. Turns out, it's an interview with Mitchum, in which he pats himself on the back for giving so many Ivy League editors their starts, including Rory. "I could kill him," Rory says. Logan tells her that she'd have to get in a very long line. "The man," she says, "should be drawn and quartered." She decides that, no, quartering is too good for Mitchum. "He should be eighthed!" she says. "Sixteenthed!" She lists off several other methods of torture that might be tried on Mitchum, alarming Logan with the breadth of her knowledge. "Eh," she says. "I did a paper on the Attorney General." Thanks, Palladinos, for making my joke for me. She can't believe the WSJ would print the article. "If he said it to them," Logan says, "they get to print it." He says that it's one of his dad's things to grab credit wherever he can, even if it's undeserved. Logan tells Rory that the beauty of the daily paper is that it's in everybody's recycling bin the next morning and will soon be totally forgotten. Rory is unconvinced. "I remember everything I read," she says, and launches into such a blabfest about stuff she reads and remembers that it causes Logan to rise from the dead to shut her up. Logan tells her that what Mitchum said in the article is in now way a dis, and that she should just let it go. Rory: "Never!"

Lorelai arrives at her parents' house and finds it dark and empty, not unlike their very souls. Calling out, she hears Emily answer with a weak "I'm here." Lorelai finds her stretched out on the couch wearing huge black glasses. "Oh, I'm sorry Mrs. Onassis," Lorelai says. "I was looking for my mother." Emily is not amused, and snaps back: "Will you at least promise to keep your comedy set at my funeral to under five minutes?" She dramatically recounts her eye surgery -- the doctor, after finishing with one eye, told her that the new LASIK procedure did not conform to the anatomy of her other eye, so he'd have to revert to the old procedure, something she very much did not want. "Because," Lorelai mock-comforts her, "it's so last year." Lorelai wants to locate the alleged army of servants are that her dad talked about. Emily says that they're all gone, and Lorelai asks to where. "To hell, I hope," Emily says. "One person more incompetent than the rest." I'm pretty sure she means "one person more incompetent than the next," otherwise we'd no doubt now hear a diatribe against this Most Incompetent Person. The nurse was shady, the housekeepers were eating everything, and the errand boys wore pants that hung below their underwear. How she saw any of this is anyone's guess, but she's hilarious, so I don't mind the inconsistency. "And no one was worse than the driver they got me," Emily adds. "Have you ever met the cab drivers in Prague? Well, they would hide their wallets from this man. Plus, I think he had a gun in his pocket." Quietly, Lorelai jokes that maybe the driver was just happy to see her. Good one, Lorelai. Emily swans out a hand, asking to be helped up, and says that she doesn't need all those people, anyway; Lorelai can just take her around for her errands. Lorelai's eyebrows nearly shoot off her head and she scrambles to get out of it, offering to just take the list of things to be done and do them herself. But no, Emily insists that Lorelai will be the driver, and they head out to the driveway.

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Gilmore Girls

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