Gilmore Girls
Driving Miss Gilmore

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C'mon Baby, Drive My Car

Emily and Lorelai emerge from the house, with Emily shrouded in a huge black hat to shield her from the painful sun. "Mom, the sun can't even find you in that hat," Lorelai assures her. "If we put that hat on Frosty the Snowman, he'd be living in Miami right now." Lorelai is alarmed to find out that Emily does not intend to ride in her Jeep, though...how is she surprised? What worse vehicle is there to ride in if you're trying to protect your eyes? Instead, they're to take the monstrous black SUV parked nearby. "Mom," Lorelai says, "that's not a car. That's a rap video set." In fact, Emily says, the rental place told her it is the car Jay-Z uses when he comes to town, and it even has bulletproof glass. "As if that's a selling point," Emily says. "I told them I was not paying extra for bulletproof windows. I haven't been strafed in years!" (Can we please take a moment to imagine Emily Gilmore rolling up on Jay-Z? My God, the vision I am having. "Who is this 'Jigga Man' and where are my dubs? Richard! What on earth is a hizzay? I think the maid has been drizzling with various and assorted nizzles! Yo?") Lorelai does not want to drive the crazy huge vehicle, but Emily insists, saying that if she does not get her prescriptions, infection will set in her eye, thus blinding her for life. "And," Emily says in conclusion, "you will be doing this more than just today." Beaten, Lorelai opens the door for her mother, mumbling about her melodramatic, Sarah Bernhardt behavior. "My hearing," Emily says, sticking her head back out the door, "is just fine, Lorelai."

Luke barges into a dark roadhouse to find T.J. at the bar. "Now," Luke says. "I am not here to listen to you explain your side or rationalize things or justify your actions. I am here for one reason only: to punch you out." And as much as I'd like to see him do it, I can't help laughing along with T.J., who jokes that Luke is acting like he's in an old Western. "Don't be cute," Luke says. "Just get ready to be hurt." T.J. says that he wishes he had been drinking faster, so getting punched might not hurt so much. Luke tries to get him to put his arms up so that they can fight, but he won't. "I'm not hittin' you, Luke," T.J. says. "I got nothin' against you. Plus, there's no fightin' inside. It's Lanny's top rule along with not burnin' down the place." He tells Luke he just has one question before Luke drags him outside to clobber him: "What the hell is this about?" Luke is flabbergasted. He says it's about Liz and how T.J. abandoned her and their newly-created baby. T.J. says no, he'd never do that; he loves Liz and she threw him out when she told him about the baby: "I turn to grab the phone to tell the family, and an ashtray hits me in the head." Luke says he doesn't understand, so T.J. continues. He says Liz went off, yelling that the kid wasn't going to turn out well, and how it will grow up with no discipline and they'll have to send it away. T.J. says that he told Liz he would do whatever it took to be a good parent, but she wouldn't hear of it and threw him out. "She told you to go?" Luke says, slow on the uptake. He buys T.J. a beer and proceeds to give him some relationship advice. He says that Liz wasn't talking to T.J. when she was saying all that stuff about the baby; she was talking to herself. "I'm pretty sure she was talking to me," stupid T.J. says. "She kept saying my name." Now's the part where Luke should really punch him, I think, until Luke starts talking again, and I want someone to punch him, and I get all mad and confused and I nearly throw a lamp at the television. Luke has the gall, the unmitigated gall...it's so galling -- I have to call it the Charles de Gaulle -- to explain to T.J. that often times, women will not say exactly what they mean: "You have to try to tune in to what your partner means, as opposed to what she's actually saying. They sometimes won't tell you how they're feeling, but your job is to figure out what she's saying from what she actually says." Yes, Luke, you're a relationship genius. He pats T.J. on the back and says it is all going to be okay.

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Gilmore Girls

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