Previously on Gilmore Girls: exactly the same "Previously" they've been showing all season.
We open with Lorelai and Rory walking through Stars Hollow, which has been decorated for Halloween. I guess it's a warm October in Connecticut, because only thin sweaters are required. Anyway, Lorelai's telling a joke that ends with a rabbit saying, "How 'bout that schnitzel!" This sparks a very long debate about whether the joke was funny, and whether the line can technically be considered a punchline if the joke isn't funny, or if it's still a punchline no matter what. I'm not a fan of Lorelai's new '70s hair. It looks dirty. And while I'm discussing hair, how come all teen girls have to wear braids all the time?
Luke's. It's crowded, so I guess it's a Sunday or something. Luke's stressing, and Lorelai jokes that apparently your face can stick like that. Luke's mad because there's a big group taking up the table in the back, and apparently they come in all the time, even though we've never heard of them and it's strange that suddenly Luke's so upset about it if this happens every week. They're a big family, or more than one family with babies (Luke calls them the "J. Crew catalog"). "Oh, look! Babies!" Rory says. "I don't want to ever hear that come out of your mouth again," Lorelai warns. Apparently, the big group only orders two iced teas. That makes no sense to me at all, and I don't know why Luke wouldn't have had them just kicked out if all those ten people ordered was two iced teas. Luke is so intimate with this family that he knows the names of the baby's toys and which toy the baby is crying for. Now, according to Luke, this group has been coming in every weekend for more than six months. How have Lorelai and Rory never seen them before?
The girls start complaining about the level of drool coming out of one of the babies' mouths. "It's just spit," Lorelai says to Luke when he decides to kick the group out. "Pretend you're at a baseball game," she says in a little shout-out to Scott Patterson. Luke is stopped in his tracks when one of the small-chested mothers decides it's time to breastfeed. She unbuttons her shirt, and I'm not sure how she plans on feeding that kid through the tank top she's wearing underneath her shirt, but whatever. Luke is horrified at women feeding children with their own bodies and wants Lorelai to put a stop to it. Rory is grossed out by the word "lactating." Luke tells Lorelai to go talk to the woman, since Lorelai won't be "scared of it." Lorelai informs Luke: "You're gonna be a bachelor for a really long time." Luke fumes that he's getting taken advantage of until Jess walks into the diner in an awkward, obvious way, spots the back of the woman who he somehow immediately assumes is breastfeeding, shouts an "Oh, jeez!" and runs back upstairs. Lorelai laughs and Luke calms down. "Okay, well, that was kind of fun," he admits as he shields his eyes from the back of the woman who we're just supposed to know is breastfeeding. Opening credits. Now, what I would have done is have Taylor outside, so he can see the woman's breast since she's facing the street. Then Taylor can run into the diner in an outrage, upset that people can see this public nudity and this baby's hungry feeding right at the delicate lunch hour. Then Luke and Taylor can agree on something for once ever, which will throw Luke into such a horrible shame spiral that he will have to declare Sundays Breastfeeding Brunch Hour. He'd shout, "Free Iced Teas To Go For Everyone," and Lorelai would congratulate him on opening his mind to new ideas and for being such a feminist. But I'm not writing the episode, now am I?