Dragonfly. Michel tells Lorelai he's pretty sure the couple that just checked in are the Bathrobe Bandits from the Independence Inn. Lorelai somehow doesn't know who these people are, even though they've apparently repeatedly targeted her hotels over the years. Hey, I really hate how they've decorated the Dragonfly. It's way to kitschy, don't you think? ["It's a bit Chic Simple twee, in my view." -- Wing Chun] I mean, it doesn't match Lorelai's or Sookie's tastes. I know Michel didn't do it, so who's to blame for the Country Kitchen décor? It is as quaint homey as Bennigans is Irish. Michel wants to remove the bathrobes from the Bathrobe Bandits' room. Lorelai says they'll just charge the Bandits' credit card if they steal. Michel worries that they'll steal the credenza or a couch. Lorelai thinks they should just chill for now. "I should never tell you anything," Michel pouts. He leaves to go write a vaguely threatening note in their room. My parents were both in hotel management my entire life, and one time we stayed at my mom's hotel. Oh, as I begin telling this story, I feel like there's no way I haven't told this story before, but the search feature says I haven't. Here goes. One time my friends stayed at my mom's hotel. When we got back to our city, my friend bragged that he stole some ashtrays. From my mom's hotel. Being the kid of hotel managers, I don't throw hotel parties, I don't steal towels, and I always tip the wait staff. I'm the best damn hotel guest you've ever seen. Hotel parties make me a little nervous, to tell you the truth, even though I've had two of them thrown in my honor in the past three weeks. Anyway. I tell my friends that the ashtrays they've stolen will now come out of my mother's paycheck, and aren't they cool for taking food of my mom's table. They were devastated with regret until I told them I was lying and I just wanted to prove a point. Don't steal from hotels, slobs. But if you're going to stay in a hotel, why not try the Holiday Inn? Holiday Inn: Chingy likes it!
Lorelai takes a deadbeat dad break and calls Christopher. Doesn't it always look like they've built Christopher's set on a three-by-three square? He's always trapped in this one light, by a couch he doesn't quite sit on, and he looks uncomfortable. Lorelai says he thought perhaps Christopher turned Amish, so she couldn't make any calls until Rumspringa. That joke doesn't even really mean what she thinks it means, since it relates to Christopher's avoiding her, so I assume that once someone puts "Ramadan" in a script, she really wants to work in a "Rumspringa" joke as well. Also, this season has had quite a number of jokes at the expense of different religious groups, huh? From the Pagans to the Christians to the Muslims -- nobody's safe in Stars Hollow! Christopher is very busy these days, which might explain the polka dot tie and plaid shirt. He says he's not too busy. There's no baby that we can see. It's oddly quiet where Lorelai is, too, as she chatters on about how Sookie, "the crazy slut," got herself pregnant again. Christopher looks like he's in hell as he stammers a half-assed apology for not calling Lorelai. She asks him about five hundred times if this is a bad time to call because clearly he doesn't want to be talking to her, but Lorelai won't just get off the phone because she is the most important thing in everyone's lives. Christopher couldn't be more evasive and uncomfortable on the phone. It goes on for a really long time, the stammering and pushing, the small talk and awkward chitchat. Finally, Lorelai takes the hint and tries to hang up, but Christopher interrupts to say that he only called her before because he was desperate. Oh, thanks. He says he shouldn't have bothered her, and he won't do it again. Lorelai tells him he can call any time he wants: "We've got bonds, baby. Just try to break 'em." They immediately make plans to have lunch together this Saturday. Jesus, Christopher. Your daughter asks for one thing in life. One thing, and you have to be the same disappointing, selfish schmuck.