Oh, hello, T.J. He announces that he stinks and that everyone should keep their distance. He's wearing a soap-on-a-rope. The water in his house is out because he's been trying to fix some pipes that aren't working. He needs to use Luke's shower. I'm trying to get past the T.J. scenes quickly because none of us like them. It's not the DeLuise's fault, really. He's just an annoying character. Having just bought a home, I'd like to take a minute to explain that there's no way they already live in that house, unless we're supposed to believe that about a month has passed. T.J. explains that he was trying to hang a towel rack in the upstairs bathroom, got very frustrated, and ended up demo-ing the entire bathroom, thus causing the water to stop working. He bought replacement pipe, but he doesn't have a pipe cutter. Turns out Luke does, since his diner is in a hardware shop. He asks T.J. why he doesn't hire a contractor. T.J. has learned how to pronounce "escrow," and says he's trying to be responsible now that he's a homeowner. Also, he's probably broke, what with the escrow and all. Luke martyrs that he'll help T.J. cut the pipe. T.J. calls him the best brother-in-law in the world, and then takes a cup of coffee and a cruller, since he finds Luke's coffee to be bitter.
Dragonfly. Michel tells Lorelai he's pretty sure the couple that just checked in are the Bathrobe Bandits from the Independence Inn. Lorelai somehow doesn't know who these people are, even though they've apparently repeatedly targeted her hotels over the years. Hey, I really hate how they've decorated the Dragonfly. It's way to kitschy, don't you think? ["It's a bit Chic Simple twee, in my view." -- Wing Chun] I mean, it doesn't match Lorelai's or Sookie's tastes. I know Michel didn't do it, so who's to blame for the Country Kitchen décor? It is as quaint homey as Bennigans is Irish. Michel wants to remove the bathrobes from the Bathrobe Bandits' room. Lorelai says they'll just charge the Bandits' credit card if they steal. Michel worries that they'll steal the credenza or a couch. Lorelai thinks they should just chill for now. "I should never tell you anything," Michel pouts. He leaves to go write a vaguely threatening note in their room. My parents were both in hotel management my entire life, and one time we stayed at my mom's hotel. Oh, as I begin telling this story, I feel like there's no way I haven't told this story before, but the search feature says I haven't. Here goes. One time my friends stayed at my mom's hotel. When we got back to our city, my friend bragged that he stole some ashtrays. From my mom's hotel. Being the kid of hotel managers, I don't throw hotel parties, I don't steal towels, and I always tip the wait staff. I'm the best damn hotel guest you've ever seen. Hotel parties make me a little nervous, to tell you the truth, even though I've had two of them thrown in my honor in the past three weeks. Anyway. I tell my friends that the ashtrays they've stolen will now come out of my mother's paycheck, and aren't they cool for taking food of my mom's table. They were devastated with regret until I told them I was lying and I just wanted to prove a point. Don't steal from hotels, slobs. But if you're going to stay in a hotel, why not try the Holiday Inn? Holiday Inn: Chingy likes it!