Gilmore Girls
Farewell, My Pet

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: A | Grade It Now!
Goodbye, My Albatross

Rory arrives back at her apartment to find Paris crossing off items on Operation Finish Line. "I went to the Sigma Chi party without you," Paris announces. Aw. My dad was Sigma Chi. Picture me now doing the informal handshake and singing inappropriate songs in his memory, and yet nodding in total agreement with Paris, who declares the party "asinine." She says she is glad that Richard is going to be all right, and passes on some of her pre-med knowledge for him: "You tell him that if Bill Clinton can give up cheese fries and pork grits, [Richard] can get by without his five o'clock martini." Mmm. Why are all the wonderful things in the world so bad for us? Those sound like courses one, two, and three of the hangover cure I need right now. Paris brings Rory up to speed on the stuff she's missed in the two days since the semester started, including giving her a copy of the notes Paris took in the "History of Feminism" seminar they're taking together. "What's with the blacked-out sections?" Rory asks. Paris says she doesn't mind sharing what the teacher said, but that she wasn't about to share her own insights into the materials: "If there's one thing I learned in that first lecture, it's there's not room for many women at the top." Rory smirks that Gloria Steinem would be so proud. "Whatever," shrugs Paris. "The facts speak for themselves. Nadine Strossen is the head of the head of the ACLU, not Nadine Strossen and her very best friend." Paris reminds Rory that she will need to have her paper topic for that class picked by next week, but says she can probably get an extension if she "plays the Grandfather card." Rory sighs that she won't have to do that, because her grandfather is fine. In that case, Paris says, Rory should be ready to exchange résumés according to the schedule -- they're exchanging résumés with each other to review and return by the next night. Rory says that she forgot, having been at the hospital, but that she will get it to her tomorrow. The thing is, Paris has twenty-one résumés, all tailored and nuanced toward particular positions. I adore Paris, but this is boring me to the core -- mostly because all these scenes are just too gabby and too long.

Rory sees a box that has come for her from Logan. It is a second-semester senior survival kit, containing stress-reducing bags and bags of coffee. A real boyfriend would have supplied bottles and bottles of Maker's Mark, but perhaps I should not project my own needs onto Rory here. The box also contains a brilliantly tacky inspirational marble keepsake engraved "Anything's Possible." Rory immediately calls Logan to thank him: "Finally, someone gave me an inspirational keepsake!" Logan: "Well, good, because 'the world is your oyster,' to quote the other inspirational keepsake I was considering buying." He offers to come up and hang out with her that night, considering her difficult Grandpa week, but she assures him that she's all right. She sincerely thanks Logan for being there for her during her hard time, and they schmoop some cute goodbyes until his ten o'clock meeting shows up. "Good," says Rory, "I've got a ten o'clock cereal waiting for me." She smiles, and hangs up. "What's with the goony look?" Paris asks her. "Your face -- it's right out of a Harlequin Romance." Paris says she's amazed at how much Logan has changed. "Between the women and the drinking, that kid was on the Colin Farrell Freeway about to pull over into the Robert Downey, Jr. rest stop." Hee. Paris congratulates Rory on changing Logan -- making him a better person, just as Paris herself did with Doyle (whom she hilariously refers to as "quite the ladies' man"). "Let's face it," Paris concludes, "we took two wild stallions and we broke them." Rory says she doesn't think she really broke Logan. "Oh, you broke him; you broke him hard," says Paris. "You own him." Rory is uncomfortable with this notion, but Paris is on a roll: "Hey, let's make them get tattoos. It'll be like we branded them!" Oh, beautiful. Doyle's tattoo could be just the words "PLEASE HELP ME" across the back of his neck, and Logan's could be two big dollar signs on his eyelids.

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Gilmore Girls




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