Lorelai, Christopher, and Gigi are preparing to leave Lorelai's house for the airport. "Okay, sweetie," Lorelai says, leaning down to Gigi's level, "what do we say to Mommy when we see her at the airport?" Gigi responds with an enthusiastic "Bonjour!" Lorelai gilds the lily, suggesting, "'Bonjour, maman! What's the haps?'" This, sadly, will probably have to be scrapped, since Lorelai doesn't know the French for "haps." I was about to make a crack just now about how little the people of France are likely to appreciate Lorelai's non-stop quirkiness, but I then remembered that they have allegedly bestowed demigod status on Jerry Lewis there, and thus will not hesitate to give Lorelai a huge "hello, nurse" and a pie in the face (traditional Parisian greetings for funny Americans who never know when to stop talking). Chris assures Gigi that even after they meet up with Mommy, he and Lorelai will be staying with Gigi all day until she gets settled in. Of course, they'll probably never tell us, but I wonder how it's going to go down for this four-year-old who doesn't remember her mom and will be with her exclusively in a city where people wear nothing but black clothes and children begin smoking at the age of four-and-a-half. Gigi asks if there will be any food on the plane to France. "There will be food," Lorelai says, "but airplane food is one of life's cruel jokes, so just in case, we have snacks out the wazoo."
Christopher comes out of the house hauling luggage, and Lorelai asks whether he's sure the flight leaves at 3:30, because she feels like she remembers it being later. "It's, uh, 3:30-ish," he says, not assuaging her skepticism. "Why do I feel like the departure is 6:15?" she asks, but he puts her off again. After saying au revoir to the house, and agreeing that Gigi is going to have big-time fun spending two months with her mommy, they take off for the airport. Chris mentions that they'll have to stop for gas, but Lorelai wonders, after he has made such a big deal of having to hurry for the airport, how they'll have time. "Because," he says, smiling triumphantly, "our flight's not for three and a half hours!" Ha ha! Fooled you, Lorelai, and fooled me, too, until a reader with more than two ounces of sense alerted me to the very dumb math involved in Chris's alleged charade. What time is it that they're actually leaving? If the flight IS at 6:15 and he was trying to trick her into getting there for a 3:30-ish departure...what time is it, now? 7 AM? Where is the airport? How long does it take to get there? Because three and a half hours prior is not in any way a ridiculous amount to time to leave for an international flight. I realize that these are picky details but...honestly, the joke doesn't work if there's no joke! If he's not fooling her into actually leaving early, what's supposed to be so funny? ["For those of us who have spent five hours at an airport gate because of their dad's compulsive earliness, there really is no joke." -- Wing Chun] Conversely, if two trains leave Chattanooga five hours apart, at what time will the southbound cross the prime meridian? I don't know, either.