Can I just say this whole WB "Fresh Episode" stuff is dumb? Can I say it? Can I? Great. Because I did. Dumb. Television isn't fruit.
We open with Kirk's newest business venture: a pedi-cab. He's struggling his ass off to haul two women who are made up of 30\% french fries and 45\% coffee. (The other 25\%? Words.) Lorelai and Rory are complaining about how humiliating this is, and how Luke won't have any donuts by the time they get there. Kirk struggles, veins popping, pushing as hard as he can on the pedals. Lorelai asks Kirk how he's doing, and points out that he's having trouble forming words. Kirk says he's just fine. "Time just whizzes by when you're...[panting]...riding in a pedi-cab." Gypsy walks by, saying hello. Lorelai and Rory are mortified to get buzzed by someone strolling. Kirk tries to say something, but can't get the words out. Rory asks him to bang the handlebars three times if he can breathe, and twice if he can't. Kirk bangs them only once. Lorelai assumes that means he couldn't make it to twice. She makes him stop. Kirk says they'll only rest for a second, and then they'll be on their way: "Like the wind." Lorelai and Rory get out of the pedi-cab, saying they don't want to hog it from others. Lorelai is wearing a coat I am now coveting. It's like a pea coat, but with white stitching around the edges. Mmm. Pretty. Rory is wearing one of those Marty McFly vests, and the lace scarf we've seen her wear before. I like how they do that for Rory. Lorelai tells Kirk that his pedi-cab is perfect for tourists who want a slow trip around the town. Insulted, Kirk says he wasn't going that slowly. Lorelai suggests that he take a spinning class before the tourist season: "Or buy some legs." Rory and Lorelai walk away as Kirk's indignant shouts fade in the distance. Rory worries that Kirk will hate them forever. Lorelai says he'll only hate them until something shiny walks by. Cue Kirk whizzing past on his pedi-cab: "Well, well, well. Guess it wasn't me that was slowing us down. Guess it was my big, fat cargo!" Rory shouts, "Hey!" Kirk teases Rory for gaining the freshman fifteen, and then heads over to Luke's to get his donut. Lorelai and Rory run to try to catch the last donut before Kirk gets there as we la la la to the opening credits.
Yale cafeteria. Paris teases Rory for eating sugar for breakfast. She's eating All-Bran, which Asher turned her on to. "He's a romantic," Rory says. Rory's wearing another scarf. Paris says that his wanting her to live a long time and be healthy is romantic. Rory calls Asher Paris's "man-friend." Paris says she's off to pick up a sign for their table after lunch, and then she'll meet Rory in the courtyard. Paris is excited about their afternoon plans: it's their "first social protest of significance in college." Ah. You do always remember your first. Mine was "Students Against Ants In Our Dorm Rooms." We bugged the RA for days on end, and I hung a sign that read "Two Legs Good; Six Legs Bad." The only thing you could keep in your room was Pop-Tarts, because they were double-protected in their metallic sheaths and boxes. Paris hopes that she and Rory will be able to get at least one Burmese political prisoner released because of their petition. I gotta tell you, not one ant was harmed due to my sign. Paris and Rory sit down to find Glenn talking to Janet, making plans to pick her up at seven. Glenn tells Rory that he's having a turning point, and even the angry voices in his head have shut up for a moment. Janet -- who looks like a young Madison -- says that her friends are leaving without her for Spring Break, and that she needed a ride. "Glenn has a van, and there you go." Janet tells the girls that there's extra room in the van if they want to go. Rory looks at Paris like they have a date later, and says they probably won't do the whole "Spring Break" thing. Paris: "Ever since I broke up with Moondoggy, soaking up the rays hasn't been the same." I have never done it, either. One time in high school, a bunch of us stayed at a beach house for two days. And one time in college a bunch of us went to a cabin for two days. One time I lived in a hotel in Palm Springs during Spring Break. I learned a lot that week. I was only nine. Rory drinks whole milk. Janet tells the girls that if they change their minds, there's room in the car. Rory tells Janet she should sign their petition for political prisoners in Burma. Janet promises to try, but she's got to run out and buy a new swimsuit right now. Paris tells her to think of all the tortured souls while she's at the size 2 rack. "I hate that she's thin," she says to Rory. Paris now has the same haircut as Rory.