Rory and Paris flop drunkenly on the sand. They go over their Spring Break checklist. They went out. They danced. They got drunk. They kissed. They will soon throw up. They decide they've done Spring Break. Rory says they've participated and they have no desire to ever feel that way again. Paris offers up some frequent-flier miles to go home as soon as she can get up. Paris and Rory see Glenn surface out of the water, a huge new tattoo over his chest. Rory asks what happened to him. Paris says that the last time they saw him, he went to get a hot dog. Glenn -- apparently tripping balls -- starts shouting the words "hot dog" over and over again as he serpentines across the sand, screaming his head off. Somebody had better put a bar over his window tonight. Rory and Paris laugh, because when you're in college there's nothing funnier than someone more fucked up than you are. Rory says it's been a pretty good trip. Heh. I get it, Rory. Pretty good trip.
Lorelai is freaking out on the phone because she called the hotel (why not Rory's cell phone, her lifeline?) and found out that Rory had checked out. Rory, safely behind her desk at the Yale newspaper, apologizes for not telling Lorelai the second she decided to go home. She can't believe she's in trouble not for going to Spring Break, but for going back to Yale. Lorelai says she had visions of Rory swallowed by whales or hanging with surfers. Rory admits that she had a drink: "Paris and I took turns throwing up." Lorelai: "That's the way you girls will find yourselves a husband." Rory says she had aspirin, water, mac and cheese. Lorelai is proud that her daughter had her first hangover food and wishes she had a picture of it to display next to Rory's clay handprints. Rory says it was interesting. She gets another call as she says she and Paris watched The Power of Myth and kissed. Lorelai's all, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! You watched The Power of Myth?" Rory takes the other call. "I hid that from you!" says Lorelai. Rory clicks over. It's CuteDean. She clicks back and lets Lorelai go. CuteDean says he got her message. CuteDean does this thing where he can't stop exhaling as he speaks, which means he's trying to be casual and fun. He says it sounds like Rory was having a lot of fun out there. He says he has a couple of questions for her: "And, heh, I even wrote a couple heh down." What? Rory makes him write out his questions? That's weird. Can't CuteDean remember three questions on his own? Aw, man. Why can't Rory just find someone decent? Why can't Lorelai? Why do these girls have to have unsatisfying relationships? Is it that hard to find someone smart, funny, and sexy? Can't they write a guy who has all three of those characteristics? Why is this so hard? When will I have a crush on a television character? You know the last time that happened? Officer Thomas Hanson. That ain't right, people, that I haven't had a TV crush since 21 Jump Street. And yes, for the record, this is all about me.