Lorelai is leaving a message on her mother's machine. She won't be able to make their date to look at Emily's curtains. The only catch? Emily's machine isn't on. Lorelai continues to leave the message while Emily desperately tries to figure out what must be wrong with her phone or machine and yells to Lorelai that she's actually there. This scene is hard to recap. It's also maybe the funniest scene in the entire episode -- one upon which I bestowed a "B" when I wrote the recaplet, but on second viewing have had to downgrade. It ain't funny. And it ain't cute. And I don't know why I, as a viewer, am supposed to be happy that Lorelai is with Christopher. And, if I'm not supposed to be happy about it, why I am so confused about where the writers are trying to lead me? This isn't Lost! Now is when I'll get the emails that are like, "Gah! Why can't you just be happy that Lorelai seems happy?" Well, because...listen, Fernando, do you not hear the guns? The guns of catastrophe! The portents of doom! The tune of time-wasting where they once again trot out this Christopher mess and make Lorelai go through it all like she's never learned a lesson in her life.
Wow. I seem sort of mad. Many thanks, by the way, to M. Giant for filling in for me on the last episode. His skills are as giant as he is himself.
Speaking of skills, Christopher is impressed with Lorelai's as she successfully subverts her mother's attempts at speaking to her on the phone. "It's natural instincts, honed by years of experience," she says. "Fight or flight, you know. Fight or flight. And, I just did my nails, so..." Chris: "Flight." They seal their sneakiness with a kiss and I utter the first of many ughs.
The next morning, Lorelai is opening her mail as she listens to a French language CD. Probably nothing on there about Gladys Knight or chicken, so such a recording would be a waste in my home town. Chris comes in with coffee and is not wholly impressed with her progress at mastering the French accent instead of the actual French. He says that to adjust their systems to French cuisine, he has brought home croissants and cafÃ© au lait. "I thought cafÃ© au lait was Spanish," Lorelai says. "No," Christopher responds, with a look of concern. "It's French for 'coffee and milk.'" Lorelai: "Really? I thought it was 'Cafe! Ole!' like "Coffee! All right!" Clearly, he's horrified, especially because he can't tell if she's kidding. They talk a lot of crap about France, and Lauren Graham further mangles the accent, developing a complicated backstory to use in Paris that would explain why she sounds like a French person speaking English, but can't actually speak French.