Lorelai prepares for her trip to France by practicing not the language of France, but the accent. Christopher guilts her with his cutesy words coming out of his stupid cutesy face to attend Parents Weekend at Yale. She says a lot of words back to finally agree. Chris gets way into it, all emotional about being Roryâs Failed Dad, especially when he is practically drowned under parental propaganda. Lorelai is shocked and appalled to run into Emily and Richard, who are attending the weekend. The two subvert the G-Units fancy dinner plans by taking the entire Yale newspaper staff to lunch. Christopher goes way too far to impress them, getting them all sauced, and Rory is frustrated when she has to whip all their asses out onto a big story. Luke is still overseeing the care of his alleged daughter, all smiles and full of fatherly pride. Seriously, at one point he smiles at her so big you can see all his teeth, which is practically unprecedented. He meets her swim coach who is...Iâm sorry, as AB Chao would say, sheâs âNot Cute,â and inexplicably asks the pushy chick on an actual date after she convinces him to attend her adult swim class. Delightfully, she is a huge psycho. Sookie is torn between two lovers, er, veggie men, when a new guy shows up hawking his eggplants. Her love for Jackson prevails.
Lorelai is leaving a message on her mother's machine. She won't be able to make their date to look at Emily's curtains. The only catch? Emily's machine isn't on. Lorelai continues to leave the message while Emily desperately tries to figure out what must be wrong with her phone or machine and yells to Lorelai that she's actually there. This scene is hard to recap. It's also maybe the funniest scene in the entire episode -- one upon which I bestowed a "B" when I wrote the recaplet, but on second viewing have had to downgrade. It ain't funny. And it ain't cute. And I don't know why I, as a viewer, am supposed to be happy that Lorelai is with Christopher. And, if I'm not supposed to be happy about it, why I am so confused about where the writers are trying to lead me? This isn't Lost! Now is when I'll get the emails that are like, "Gah! Why can't you just be happy that Lorelai seems happy?" Well, because...listen, Fernando, do you not hear the guns? The guns of catastrophe! The portents of doom! The tune of time-wasting where they once again trot out this Christopher mess and make Lorelai go through it all like she's never learned a lesson in her life.
Wow. I seem sort of mad. Many thanks, by the way, to M. Giant for filling in for me on the last episode. His skills are as giant as he is himself.
Speaking of skills, Christopher is impressed with Lorelai's as she successfully subverts her mother's attempts at speaking to her on the phone. "It's natural instincts, honed by years of experience," she says. "Fight or flight, you know. Fight or flight. And, I just did my nails, so..." Chris: "Flight." They seal their sneakiness with a kiss and I utter the first of many ughs.
The next morning, Lorelai is opening her mail as she listens to a French language CD. Probably nothing on there about Gladys Knight or chicken, so such a recording would be a waste in my home town. Chris comes in with coffee and is not wholly impressed with her progress at mastering the French accent instead of the actual French. He says that to adjust their systems to French cuisine, he has brought home croissants and cafÃ© au lait. "I thought cafÃ© au lait was Spanish," Lorelai says. "No," Christopher responds, with a look of concern. "It's French for 'coffee and milk.'" Lorelai: "Really? I thought it was 'Cafe! Ole!' like "Coffee! All right!" Clearly, he's horrified, especially because he can't tell if she's kidding. They talk a lot of crap about France, and Lauren Graham further mangles the accent, developing a complicated backstory to use in Paris that would explain why she sounds like a French person speaking English, but can't actually speak French.