Someone stop Carrot Top. I don't have the strength to fight anymore.
Lorelai finds Rory in the kitchen. She says she's too tired to go out tonight, so she needs Rory's opinion on the purse that she's going to wear. "I have no wilderness skills!" Rory shouts. "So, you hate the purse?" Lorelai asks. Rory says she can't get into Harvard without wilderness skills. The Fireflies need troop leaders with wilderness skills. Rory blames Lorelai for her lack of skills. Lorelai says that Rory wouldn't even touch wet grass until she was three. She offers to toss Rory off the second floor and see if she survives the fall. Rory says the Sunnyside Home needs an accordion player for their polka party. The library only has twelve books, so they probably don't need any help. The town where I grew up had a library that was literally a trailer, so I know how Rory feels. I was so depressed when I saw that library. Lorelai tells Rory to calm down. She says she'll catch up, but that she can't do it tonight. She already made out all of her lists and her phone calls. Lorelai suggests that Rory call up CuteDean and have him come over. Rory says that they're in a fight because Lorelai never took her camping. Lorelai says that she's really sucking tonight. She tells Rory that she'll cancel with Max and they can make popcorn and reminisce about the fact that Lorelai never forced her to become a missionary. Rory tells her to go. Lorelai wants to help, but Rory doesn't want any help. Lorelai says she'll be home early and that Rory should really call CuteDean. Lorelai adds that CuteDean just sits in his room all day long and thinks about Rory. Rory tells Lorelai to leave. Lorelai does a few CuteDean impressions and then finally leaves.
At her dinner, Lorelai is pouty and Max is frustrated because he knows this can't be good for the Booty Factor. He asks whether Lorelai hates her food. Lorelai says she doesn't want to mess up her food since someone made it look like a tiny hat. She says that Rory's freaking out about her extra-curriculars. Max says he can help her out with that. He asks what else is wrong. Lorelai says there's lots to think about with the wedding. Max told his parents today. He says his mother cried twice and said that Lorelai can call her "Mom" if she wants to. His father took him aside and had a long discussion about pleasing women. "Ooh, dirty talk," Lorelai laughs. Max pulls out a check, saying that they gave it to him. Lorelai says that they were going to pay for the wedding themselves and that they didn't need any help. Sookie's making the cake, the ceremony is at her house, and Patty's supplying the chairs. She opens the check. It's for $35. Max says that it's the first of four payments so that they don't spend it all in one place. Lorelai and Max laugh over Max's cheap parents. And what are they, like, seventy-five? That's their Social Security check there, isn't it? Lorelai says it's all very sweet. Max says that his mother offered Lorelai her wedding dress, but since he could fit three Lorelais in it, he lied and told his mother that Lorelai was going to wear her own mother's gown. Lorelai pouts and says she wants dessert. She says it's great his parents are happy and into everything. Max says they're kind of her parents now, too, and that she can be a part of it. Lorelai says that she'll have to think if it that way or she'll be jealous. She starts yelling about the way Emily reacted to her announcement. Max says that there's so much baggage between her and her parents. Lorelai says that Emily should have lied instead of saying what she said. Max starts getting involved, and Lorelai pretty much shuts him up, which she should do since he's never met these people and he really has no right to judge or offer advice on family and strangers. Lorelai says she wants to go. Max asks whether they can go somewhere else and talk. Lorelai has an idea of where she needs to go and talk.