Lorelai stumbles down the stairs and tells Rory she doesn't want to go to Emily's tonight. Rory says she has to. Lorelai still can't believe that Emily called Christopher. Rory says Emily thought she was helping. "You do know there isn't a Santa Claus, don't you?" Lorelai asks. Rory begs Lorelai to forget all about this and let it go. Lorelai says that sometimes you have to cut people out of your life. Rory reminds Lorelai that Emily is Lorelai's mother. Lorelai demands some tests to prove it. She assumes that Emily is probably on the phone with Kirk right now asking him about china patterns. The phone rings; it's Kirk. He gets confused by the answering machine. "And that's the guy who likes me!" Lorelai says. She asks Rory to look into her eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time so they can have a Freaky Friday, in a shout-out to Djb's award-winning Gilmore Girls spec script. Rory says that they can just pretend to switch and Lorelai can walk around acting all immature: "Oh, wait...." Heh. Rory doesn't want to switch places with Lorelai, since she doesn't want to date Kirk. The phone rings again. It's Kirk, and as he's leaving a message, his mother picks up the phone. She's confused, thinking her doctor is on the phone, and Lorelai bolts from the house as Kirk and his mother bicker on Lorelai's machine. Strummy-strummy-la-la music takes us to commercials.
Gonna do some finger warm-ups before the remaining fifteen minutes. The doorbell rings a few times. Emily answers the door, and Lorelai says that something must be wrong with the bell. Emily rolls her eyes and says it's not the doorbell that's the problem. Enter the maid. Her name is Sarah on the show, but her real name is Christy Keefe, and she went to my rival high school. She and I did Sleeping Beauty together. She played Beauty's mother, the Queen, and I was...I was the wicked witch, okay? Are you happy now? Anyway, I never saw her again after the eleventh grade until I moved to Los Angeles where I ran into her at a club because we had a mutual friend that she met in Arizona or something. It's a very small world. And now, Christy Keefe is in my living room as Emily's latest maid. She's supposed to be a very Amelia Bedelia kind of maid, who doesn't exactly make all of the mental connections necessary to get a job done. She is just now starting to figure out which bell is the door and which bell is the oven. Big bell is the door.