Bye, Jess! Jess is gone! A! A! A! Let's celebrate with a little VIEWER MAIL!
In my dream I was reading one of your recaps and you started telling this story about how you were at a party the night before and some guy was harassing you and all you could think to do besides get into fisticuffs with this man was to lick him. On the head. You licked his bald head.
And you were all, "Yeah, it's gross, but what are you going to do?"
Then a week later your recap starts out, "This is the last recap you'll ever read of mine, after I write this I'm going to jail for licking that guy's head last week." Apparently this guy had pressed charges and you were found guilty of...licking, I guess, and off to the big house you went. (Though your final recap was funny, just so you know.)
And even though I only know Pamie through her journal and Gilmore Girls recaps (Good bye, Jess, you asshole!), apparently I knew her in my dream because we were having coffee together and I said, Oh, can you believe it? Gustave's going to jail for licking that dude's head!"
And she's all, "Yeah, it's pretty serious, he's going to be away for a long time."
Me: "Just for licking some guys' HEAD?"
Pamie: "Well, Gustave has Dutch Elm Disease."
Me: "Ohhh, man! He could get attempted MURDER for that!"
Pamie: "I know! That' s why he's going to jail for so long."
Me: "Eh, well, you know how it goes - he'll get 35 but serve 2 and get out on good behavior."
Then my seven-week-old kitten, Grrr, pissed on my hand and woke me up. Good times.
Take care of that Dutch Elm Disease, Gustave, and don't drop the soap!
Was it worth the wait?