Gilmore Girls
How Many Kropogs To Cape Cod?

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"My Boyfriend's a Kleptomaniac! Cute!"

Lorelai and Rory are on the phone with each other. Amazingly, neither one of them is talking. Instead, they're both watching something off-camera that sounds like a vacuum cleaner. They are fascinated. We then see that they're each watching a Roomba, which are scampering about their respective domiciles, cleaning everything in their paths. Lorelai asks if this more or less fun than watching the same TV show at the same time. Rory says more. Lorelai says that if they both died right now, their Roombas would suck up their decomposing remains and no one would ever know. "Freaky," says Rory. And, fade to opening credits. I have to say, that was probably the best opening sequence I've ever seen on any TV show, ever.

A bathrobe-clad Paris skips around the dorm, happily, if badly, singing "I'm Walking On Sunshine." Rory comes out and tells her to learn a new song before Rory ties Paris to a chair and makes her watch Hotel Rwanda. Aw, now, when did watching Don Cheadle become a punishment? Paris says she's really happy now that Doyle is her official boyfriend. Rory says she is similarly happy with Logan. "We're happy! We have boyfriends!" says Paris. Well, they might as well change the title of this show to Gilmore Girls Whose Lives Are Only Complete With Men in Them. Logan "Richie Rich" Huntzberger arrives, and he and Rory kiss while Paris provides running commentary. Rory and Richie decide to take it to Rory's bedroom, which is a Paris-free zone.

In her room, Richie and Rory kiss, and Rory tells Richie about how happy Paris has been lately because she's "in love" with Doyle. Don't think Paris said anything about being in love, but whatever. Rory asks Richie to help her keep Paris happy, because "when Paris is happy, the whole world is happy. But when she's not happy, the whole world is Deadwood." Everybody say it with me now: cocksucker! Richie says he'll try not to rain on Paris's parade, and Rory goes to get her sweater for dinner. While in her closet, she pulls out some possible outfits for her internship next week, and asks Richie what he thinks of them. I wouldn't go to Richie for fashion advice, given the weird black sweater with a stripe of black and red boxes running down the left side that he's wearing. Rory says she wants to look "professional" but not "too Lois Lane-y." Richie says he's sure whatever Rory wears will be fine, because he's really not interested in talking about Rory's internship -- involving, as it does, his dad. Rory doesn't get the hint, though, and moves on to a stack of papers on her desk. The papers are print-outs of webpages about Mitch Rich, whom Rory Googled last night when she couldn't sleep. She rattles off all the biographical information about and journalistic accomplishments of Mitch that she discovered, as Richie stares at her, his expression equal parts "I know when my own father was born, why are you telling me this?" and "uh oh, my girlfriend is a creepy stalker." He tries to break in on Rory's rapid-fire monologue about his own father, and finally gets a chance to ask Rory if she has a secret room decorated with pictures of his father. In other words, "You're creeping me out with this, better stop now." Rory says she's interning for Mitch, so she has to know everything about him. And where better to go for this information than the source, or at least, the fruit of the source's loins? "What are his politics?" she asks. "What does he read? Come on, tell me something!" "He hates peas," says Richie, adding that he and his father only talk about two things: sailing, and what a disappointment Richie is. He doesn't want to talk about his dad anymore; he wants to go to dinner. On their way out, Rory asks Richie Mitch's opinions on Pinochet.

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Gilmore Girls

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