Chilton. Paris is giving a speech. She's announcing what she'll do if she is elected student body president. "Clearly marked boys' and girls' restrooms" is very funny, and I love that Paris obviously has so many mortifying experiences in the school hallways. I also love her voice when it gets a little wobbly and strained. She goes on to quote Kennedy and try to get the audience of students to rise and cheer. It doesn't work. They just stare at her as she finishes. She sits down next to two snickering candidates. This is the second time we've started a scene with the camera spinning around the static action. Elections are held this Friday, they announce.
The assembly ends, and everyone gets up to leave. Paris watches everyone go. She walks up to Rory, who is still scribbling in a notebook. She starts grilling Rory to see if Rory got enough good quotes for her Franklin article. She asks how Rory thinks it went. Rory will only offer a "fine." Paris asks how Rory's skewing the article. Rory says that Paris will have to wait until the paper comes out, like everyone else. Not hardly, since Paris is the editor. Paris tells Rory to note that "Schatzi," or however you spell the female candidate's name, pulled a cheap Sharon Stone Basic Instinct impression to distract the student body from Paris's recycling program. "Go away, Randolph," Rory says.
Louisa and Fraulein enter, and Paris actually runs over to them. The girls have taken a quick poll of the student body: 150 students in a cross-section. "We talked to people we shouldn't even have to stand next to," Louisa says. Paris asks if she's ever given off the impression that she's a patient person. Fraulein tells Paris that they added up the votes (she has to add that Louisa actually did the adding so that Paris trusts the results) and it looks like most students think that Paris is the most qualified and most competent. But they don't think Paris is very likable. They find her scary. There's a lame Halloween mask joke. Fraulein and Louisa tell Paris that the students would rather vote for someone they like than someone qualified to do the job. Paris asks what she can do. Fraulein tells Paris she can hope for a sex scandal. Louisa tells her that she's on it, and the girls walk away.
Paris walks back over to Rory and says she's been racking her brain for weeks trying to choose her vice-presidential candidate -- who would be the yin to her yang, the Joel to her Ethan, the Damon to her Affleck. There's no way Paris sees herself as Affleck. Paris tells Rory to be her running mate. She says they'll announce it in the Franklin tomorrow: Gellar and Gilmore. "Never underestimate the power of alliteration, my friend," Paris says. Rory whines that she doesn't want to be vice-president. Paris says that every little girl wants to be vice-president. She says that Rory she has no choice. She begs Rory to do it. "They hate me, okay?" Paris says. She says that everyone in the school hates her, and since they don't want to go to the mall with her, they won't vote for her, and she'll lose. Rory asks how she could possibly help things by running with her. Paris tells Rory, "People think you're nice. You're quiet. You say, 'Excuse me.' You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning." Heh. Rory says she hasn't been dressed by a bird since she was two. Boo. Paris begs Rory, pleading as she follows her out of the room. Once Rory's off-camera, Paris shouts that Harvard looks for these kinds of things. How would Rory not have thought of this earlier? I'm surprised Rory didn't run for Treasurer or Secretary. "Enjoy Connecticut State, sucker," Paris says. In any event, the Harvard threat lures Rory back in, and she agrees to be Paris's running mate. Wow, Rory's much taller than Paris. "Yes!" Paris shouts. Rory notes that Paris must never have thought of just being nice to people. Paris says that Rory's going to be her Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm for the new millennium. She tells Rory to wear braids in her hair tomorrow, and totally nice out.