Gilmore Girls
I'd Rather Be In Philadelphia

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From the Heart

Moments later, we see Lorelai make what must be at least the second call to Christopher, telling him what's going on. "Hi," she says to his voicemail, "it's me again." She gives him directions on how to find the waiting room, and asks him to call her back. Meanwhile, Rory has gone to the vending machines and spent half of her inheritance on sweet and salty snacks and gross drinks. Lorelai says that she spoke to the girl at Emily's club, who reported that Emily was en route to the hospital. "And what about Dad?" Rory asks. "Well," says Lorelai, uncomfortable, "I don't think he's gotten my messages yet, but he'll be here when he does." They regard the vending machine smorgasbord and determine that they aren't hungry. Rory says that she keeps thinking this whole thing with Richard is a nightmare, but that she knows it's not. "No," Lorelai agrees. "Well, it's a nightmare, but it's not a nightmare nightmare. I know, because I have shoes on." She says that, in her nightmares, she's never wearing shoes. Rory wonders what that means, saying that it doesn't sound too Freudian. "No, for me, a snake is just a snake," says Lorelai. "A slingback is just a slingback." They are interrupted by the doctor, coming out to give an update. Apparently, Richard is doing all right, but is now going to get an angiogram to determine the amount of blockage in his arteries. The doctor pulls his lines straight from the physician bedside manner handbook, vaguely saying that when they see the results of the angiogram, they'll "be able to figure out where we'll go from there." He no doubt feels that this is explanation enough, but these are Gilmores he's dealing with. "Like, where would we go?" Lorelai asks. "Where would we go from there?" The doctor is confused. It is probably unnatural for him to answer a question directly, but he tells them that, should the angiogram reveal a great deal of blockage, Richard will have to have emergency bypass surgery. He ridiculously tells them to try not to worry, and leaves.

Lucky doctor, too, because Emily now blows in WEARING A TRACK SUIT, skipping all the preamble and demanding to know what is going on with Richard. Oh my God, she goes overboard, full-on Emily Gilmore-style, telling off a nurse for being too cheery: "What happened to all the competent people? What I want is the most perfunctory level of competence from the people with whom I interact and that, apparently, is far too much to ask for." Apparently, the people at her club are as stupid as these nurses. They took forty minutes to find her at the club, cell phones having been banned, apparently because of noise pollution. "If that's the reason," she raves on," then they should ban John Abbott because, I'm telling you, every time that man hits a ball, he grunts like a rutting hog." Lorelai and Rory try to calm Emily down as she goes endlessly on, yelling about the club rules, segueing into a story about seeing a drug deal go down in the locker room. "The whole place is going to the dogs," she says, bitching that the club's menu of fatty foods and rare offerings of fish make them responsible for Richard's heart attack. As she freaks out about Omega-3 acids and how three months ago she made Richard agree to eat more fish, Logan arrives in the waiting room. He very kindly asks if there's anything he can do for the family, and goes off to get Emily a cup of tea. "That's a fine young man, Rory," says Emily when Logan leaves. "He's one of the good ones." Logan's kindness causes Emily to have a related thought: "Lorelai, where's Christopher?" As Lorelai hems and haws that he must be on his way...

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Gilmore Girls

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