Hello! We return from the short hiatus, hoping against hope that something crazy might have happened on this show in the interim. This time, we said to ourselves, we wouldn't care so much that the writers didn't show us the action if the action happened to be that, say, Luke found out through reputable DNA testing that he was not the father of a secret, twelve-year-old Replacement Rory. But that's not what happened. Instead, no Gilmore Time has elapsed whatsoever, and we pick up with Paris and Rory just moments after we left them, now chowing down on some tasty Chinese food. They discuss how much better their lives will be now that they don't have stupid Logan and Doyle to deal with. Paris is excited that she'll be able to paint her apartment, for starters: "Doyle doesn't believe in improving someone else's property." Rory: "MEN!" Exactly. Paris and Rory make plans to eat Chinese food until they get huge, and then walk it off on that treadmill Doyle never consented to allow in the apartment. "I'm glad you're back," Paris tells Rory, who says she is glad, too. She takes this moment to finally apologize for the whole editorship debacle, saying that she never expected it to turn out the way it did. It has all the sincerity you'd expect from someone who, whether they meant to or not, basically stole your job right out from under you. Reminds me of the time my freshman roommate had to apologize to me because the boy I liked called me to break the news that he actually liked her. REMEMBER THAT, BECKY? Whatever. That dude ended up being gay, anyway. "Forget it," Paris says. "I mean, who are we kidding? I am not cut out to deal with people. I was made to be in a lab, or an operating room, or a bunker somewhere with a well-behaved monkey by my side."
Paris and Rory are interrupted by a knock at the door and briefly worry that, in their man-hating tirade they actually did order a pizza to go along with the Chinese. Unfortunately, it's Logan. Rory says she doesn't want to talk to him, but Paris is on the job, anyway. She rips open the door and lets him have it with both barrels, calling Logan "New Haven's favorite whorehound." She lays into him, remarking that there are things she's always wanted to say to him but, out of respect for Rory, she's refrained. She ain't refraining anymore: "I know you cheated on Rory." He says he didn't -- that they were apart -- and quickly grows frustrated: "Why the hell am I arguing with you? I don't want you back!" Paris isn't done, however, by a long shot: "You, Logan Huntzberger, are nothing but a two-bit, spoiled, waste of a trust fund. You offer nothing to women, or the world in general." She says that if he were to disappear from the face of the Earth, the only person that would miss him would be his Porsche dealer. Leaning around her, Logan asks Rory if she has anything to add. "No," she says, happily. "I think Paris has got it covered." Shoving past Paris, Logan asks Rory again for just a minute alone. "No one invited you in!" Paris says. "Get out, right now, before I go Bonaduce on your ass." How I wish she would, especially when he waves her off, saying that he's not going anywhere.