Rory is following her mom around the house while Lorelai throws everything of any interest or value into a trashcan. She tells Rory to throw away anything that might be incriminating. "Anything," she says, "that can, could or might lead to a conversation about anything!" Rory picks up a copy of the recent Vanity Fair featuring Lindsay Lohan. "Are you kidding me?" Lorelai says, ticking off the many subjects the picture will inspire: "Skin cancer, drug abuse, anorexia...bra shopping...dump it!" She hides all the flowers and pillows, saying that these things might make her parents comfortable and therefore want to stay longer, and that is unacceptable. "Well," Rory suggests, "we could hit them over the head with mallets when they walk in the door." Lorelai briefly considers it, but has a less dangerous idea: she says that she has some incredibly bad perfume that Luke gave her for Christmas that she can spray all over the house: "It's like a cross between Love's Baby Soft and Curious by Britney Spears, with just a hint of Lysol thrown in. God bless him, he tries." Ew.
The doorbell rings, and Lorelai swings around to answer it (showing a little leg as her wrap dress flutters, ahem, hello). It's Sookie, who is carting in a meal that looks enough to feed ten people. Sookie: "Food!" Lorelai: "No, I'm Lorelai." Sookie: "HEAVY." Lorelai: "Now, that's just mean." Look, I don't want to have to point it out, yet again, but the fat jokes this show are about the lamest thing it does. Well, not lamer than setting up sexual-but-not-romantic-tension between two characters for like, twenty years, and then finally getting them together only to drive them apart with a secret kid. That trumps all. In any case, Lorelai thanks Sookie for bringing over this meal for her parents, but then turns right around and acts like a jerk about it after seeing that Sookie has brought the "wrong" kinds of food: mac and cheese, taquitos, and mini hot dogs. Apparently, when Lorelai said over the phone that she was expecting her parents later, Sookie, in the din of the kitchen, heard something about her being an expectant parent and rushed over with her favorite foods to help with her "cravings." Ugh. I can't even deal with how dumb this scene is. Y'all know I like this show, but I guess now, halfway through the recap, is soon enough to tell you I hate this episode. Its great saving grace is all the Zach/Mrs. Kim stuff. Sookie is disappointed that Lorelai's not pregnant, but helps her put a silver lining on the food. The mini hot dogs can be "bratwurst," the macaroni can be "pasta à la Sookie" and the taquitos, "bellinis." Lorelai sighs. "And the chili fries?" she asks. "Are chili fries," Sookie answers. Let me tell y'all something: if I had a friend who was willing to bring a big vat of chili fries over to my house at my beck and call no matter how ungracious I acted about it? I'd buy her a car.