Fiddler. The show's going on. Kirk overacts.
Stac(e)y: BORING! GET TO LUKE/LORELAI. I don't want to see a play, I wanna see Luke/Lorelai action!!! Yummy!
Lorelai fixes a costume backstage. Luke brings a chair to one of the cast members, telling him to sneak it onstage when they start dancing. Luke and Lorelai occasionally look at each other awkwardly. Carrie walks up and places her hand on Luke's ass. "I've got a hammer," he warns. "Oh, I know," Carrie says. She walks past Lorelai and gives her a "hands off" glare. Luke and Lorelai share a look. Lulu storms in and says she needs the schmatte. Lorelai hands it over. The girls go to find Carrie's hiding daughter.
Stac(e)y: Luke has a hammer! Go away, Carrie.
Chinese restaurant. Finn asks where they're going next. Rory says she can't even move. Juliet asks what it feels like to be full. Rory says it doesn't suck. The kids debate what club to hit next. They decide on a Zydeco joint. Man, just when they are the exact opposite of the kind of people I'd know, they go ahead and do something even oppositer. Rory and Marty bow out of the Cajun fest, and Finn announces everyone owes seventy-five bucks for the tab. Logan tells Rory he's got her meal covered, but it's not like Rory made a move for her purse. She doesn't even carry one around Logan. Then Rory, not too quietly, asks Marty if he has enough. Logan offers to pay for Marty, too. He mentions that this was his idea, after all, so it could be his treat. Rory, pay for Marty! Marty says he just needs an ATM. Finn/Colin calls that "quaint." Rory, give Logan the money and quit looking mortified that Marty doesn't have any money. Hey, does Juliet have to pay seventy-five bucks, too? Because these are really shitty friends. Anyway, Eric Stoltz goes to get some money while Lea Thompson sits with her shitty friends and whatever. Logan should have paid for the whole table. And if Rory cannot see the power trips these assholes play with her "super best friend" Marty, then she deserves neither boyfriends nor friends. What is wrong with her? Rory says she's going to find Marty to show him where a bank is.
Stac(e)y: Oh, poor Marty. That was so nice of Logan to offer to pay for Rory AND Marty. He's so hot. I'd let him pay for me any day.
Rory finds Marty standing right outside. "You couldn't find an ATM?" she asks. I want Rory to have to get the shittiest job of all time. I want Emily and Richard, due to this fight with Lorelai, to decide it's time Rory put back in a little of what she's been handed since she got her Chilton tights. I want her to have to scrape other people's food off of plates. I want her to have to clean a public restroom after women have been in it. I want her to have to dig through a trashcan of wet food to find her tip. I want Rory to have to clean substances that might be blood. I want her to be the only one working late at night when there might be someone with a gun outside. I want her to know the shit people go through for minimum wage, and how it feels to be Marty right now, when there's eighteen dollars in your checking account, a table full of shitheads waiting for you to come up with seventy-five dollars and a girl who doesn't even have the decency to quietly give her boyfriend money since she didn't have to pay for her own meal and it's her fault you're even there in the first place. Finally Rory's like, "I'll pay for it." She tries to hand Marty a wad of bills she hasn't even counted, but Marty shoves his hands in his pockets and won't take it. Rory reminds him that everybody's going to come outside eventually and see his broke ass standing there. She tells him to go in with the money and pretend it's his and then they can leave. Rory says she's never felt the need to listen to Zydeco before, so she doesn't need to start tonight. Marty takes the money and says, "Yeah, and I thought getting pantsed at the prom was going to be the low point in my life." Rory can't hide that smug smile, can she? Rory puts a condescending arm around Marty as they walk back into the restaurant together. I hope Logan gets Rory pregnant tomorrow and she has to drop out of school and open a boutique somewhere because that's all he'll let her do for the rest of her life. Because if she wants to be this stupid, I want her to have all of the stupid.