Gilmore Girls
Keg! Max!

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | Grade It Now!
"No! Jess! What About PROM?!"

The band rocks it to the first break. Everyone's stoked and the party is loving the band. Jess doesn't even bother to clap, you guys. Just has his hands jammed in his pants. I understand Flunky's a bit pouty, but if he's not going to fess up, he'd better play along. Rory tells the band they were amazing and awesome. Todd Lowe tells Brian not to get so close to them when they sing; Brian's nose was on Todd's cheek. Lane is gushing with happiness, but Dave's giving her the cold shoulder. Kyle and Marshall walk by as the Party Police, reminding the guests what coasters are for.

By the stairs (and gigantic carpet cat house (someone find that cat)), Lane asks Dave what his damage is. Dave says that the Jung Chu thing is driving him crazy. Lane plays dumb until Dave finally gets her to admit that Jung Chu is in love with her and is planning on taking her to Prom. Dave is outraged and pissed. Lane says they're not out of time. Dave says that the Prom is in two weeks. Lane: "I'll make it happen, I swear." Dave: "It's too late." He walks off, Lane calling his name like a bad '50s movie.

Jess wants to leave the party. Rory doesn't. How many times have I typed those two sentences this season? Rory: "It's early." Jess: "It's boring." Rory says they can't just go since the band's playing another set. "They can do it without us," Jess says. Rory says she doesn't want to go. She tells him to try to have fun: "Talk. Mingle." Jess: "I don't want to talk to anybody else. I don't like anybody else." Can't you just see why Rory loves him so much? He's so awesome and cool and funny. He just lives to make Rory happy. Rory says she doesn't want to leave and that she needs to stay here for Lane. She bribes him by kissing him.

I know some of you readers are young, so I don't want you to get the impression that this is what you high-school relationships have to be like. Yes, it happens, but then you grow up and you wish you hadn't spent so much time on loser, whiny, pouty, moody assholes like Jess. Because there are lots of guys like him out there, and the only thing every one of them wants do is ruin all of your fun so you spend all of your time and attention on him so that there's never a moment when someone or something else is making you happy. And you offer to pay for things and make a reward system of kisses and blowjobs just to get to do what you want for five minutes. And this show isn't saying it, but this is called "codependent." It means you sacrifice who you are and what you want because the other person in your relationship is a child who needs constant attention. Please don't get caught in one of these traps. They are so difficult to get out of, because they prey on the fact that you're a good person, a nice person -- someone who wants to make a sad person happy, a mad person smile, a depressed person enjoy getting up every day. But you can't fix broken people, and these people will just make you feel miserable for liking yourself, or liking life. They'll make you feel guilty when something good happens to you. They'll make you sacrifice what you want to do in life, like go to fun parties, hang out with your friends, or go to Harvard. They'll trash your car and make it seem like it was your fault. They'll constantly need you cheering them up, and they'll lie to you to keep you tending to their every molecule of breath. Please don't be Rory and Jess. It isn't romantic and it isn't healthy. It's sad, really, because it reminds me of how much of my own happiness I wasted on depressed boys who were threatened by other people having fun. Goth does not always equal cool. Sometimes it equals Prozac.

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Gilmore Girls




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