Gilmore Girls
Knit, People, Knit!

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B | 2 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Unraveling

It's Friday night, and Lorelai and Christopher are being toasted by the Gilmores. Richard tells a cute little story about Lorelai as a ten-year-old swearing she would one day marry Tip O'Neill. "I liked the name 'Tip,'" Lorelai says in her defense. "I thought it was, cute like a puppy or a bunny." Oh my God. Even I, who live with an historian, would have to physically hijack the Wayback Machine to explain to you why that's supposed to be funny. To commemorate the occasion of Chris and Lorelai's marriage, Richard says, he and Emily have bought them a little gift. It's about the size of a painting. Way to go, Lorelai. If you had married Luke, they would have given you a HOUSE. But a painting's nice. Hell, maybe it's a Picasso. Oh...well, no, it isn't. The Grandparents look on proudly as Lorelai eagerly rips it open. "Wow..." she says, as if in shock. "It's extraordinary." Emily explains that the piece is an etching by Kiki Smith titled Wolf Girl. Richard happily says that all young couples should cultivate an art collection, and Lorelai, turning the frame so that Rory can see it, says that Wolf Girl will start their collection off "with a bang." It's hideous. Even Rory gasps out loud to see the portrait of a hairy young woman. "We were flying blind without a gift registry," Emily says, seemingly pleased. Lorelai says that they flew great.

"Of course," Emily adds, with that slightly ominous, passive-aggressive tone we've come to love, "I imagine it's difficult to have the forethought to register when you decide to elope." She says that, when couples elope, nothing is quite done in the traditional manner: "For instance, informing your parents of your marriage by leaving them a message on their answering machine." Christopher is surprised to hear this. Apparently, Lorelai told him that she had told her parents of the wedding. Lorelai: "I didn't say they were home when I told them!" Rory can't help gasping again: "Mom, you're such a chicken." Christopher: "You left a message on their machine?" Richard says that she certainly did, and Emily launches into a deservedly smug and vengeful story about coming home and hearing, between messages between fundraisers and tennis dates, that -- guess what? -- her only daughter is married: "Well, why just talk about it? Why not share it?" With that, despite Lorelai's urgent protests, she turns to the side table and plays the message. "Hey," comes Lorelai's voice from the machine. "Just wanted you guys to know, Christopher and I are back from Paris. Gigi's all set, and, uh, we just ended up, uhhhh, getting married. So, anyway, see you Friday. Bye!" Rory and Christopher visibly cringe with shame as Emily and Richard gloat. Lorelai begs her to erase the message, but Emily says no: she and Richard will treasure it forever as a keepsake or a memento. "Remember when Lorelai told us she was married," she says to Richard in a dreamy voice. "Ah, yes," he faux-reminisces. "Now, what was it exactly that she said?" Emily: "I think it was something like...THIS!" Click. She plays it again. Good one, Geezers. Twenty-five years, one illegitimate grandchild, and many mutual disappointments later, you finally got her.

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Gilmore Girls

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