Chris has come downstairs at the CS for breakfast to find Lorelai on the couch, knitting. "Well, good morning Madame Defarge," he cracks. "Good morning Mr. I-Remember-Stuff-From-English-Class-in-High-School!" she shoots back. He asks her how long this whole Mr. Words-Strung-Together thing is going to last. She tells him she's not sure, pointing out that the more annoying a bit is, the more she wants to do it. Like this bit about being married to Christopher? We get it! He jokes about her knitting like a proper married lady, asking whether she's also made him a Martha-esque breakfast of poached eggs and freshly-squeezed orange juice: "Because I'd really appreciate it if you could strain the pulp." Lorelai knits violently: "I got your strained pulp right here." Chris asks what she's knitting, and Lorelai explains in that lovely Gilmorian fashion that she is in training for the Stars Hollow Knit-a-Thon, being held to raise money -- pledged by the skein -- to replace the Old Muddy River Bridge. She's going to go into town to see if she can get some better needles, and he offers to come with her. "Oh," she says, patting his shoulder, "that's okay." When he insists and she tries again to put him off, Christopher finally asks why he doesn't want her to come into town with her. "I just want to give people time to adjust," she says. "I mean, I just want to be sensitive. You know? You're not who they expected, and I don't want the marriage to seem sudden. I want to kind of ease them into it." He asks if that's why Lorelai didn't want to invite anyone to Emily's party. "No!" she says. "Well, yeah." She says that 90% of it is that she didn't want her Stars Hollow friends to have to deal with the Gilmores' crowd, but the other 10% is that she didn't want to seem like she was "shoving [their] marriage down their throats." She says she doesn't want it to seem like they're flaunting. "They're not going to adjust," Chris says, "if they never see me." Right! Genius! Maybe a little less of you on screen would be good, too. I mean, listen, he is cute with a capital K, but I am done with Christopher as a storyline. Forever. Unfortunately, Lorelai is not done with him. "Come on," says Christopher. "Let's go for a stroll." Lorelai: "All right. But a stroll, not a strut!"
Breakfast is served at Cranky's Diner. Or, you know, "Luke's." He's bitching because of all the knitters everywhere, wondering when someone's going to put an eye out. Cesar tries to placate his curmudgeonliness, saying he gets that Luke's in a bad mood because April is gone, but Luke can't be assuaged: "April is not gone. She just went back to living with her mother." They are interrupted by none other than T.J., who bursts through the door, acting a fool. Now would be a good time to make use of one of those knitting needles, but no one makes a move. Come on! Stab, people, stab! It's not that I hate T.J., it's just that I hate him for more than thirty seconds at a time, especially when he's acting stupid, which is always. Today, he is flipping out because Liz has decided she wants to have their baby, any minute now, in their living room. Ah, the miracle of home birthing. If you'd ever like to pass ten hours reading the most vitriolic, outraged, outrageous sanctimony on the internet, look up a message board on home birthing, kick back in your inflatable kiddie pool, and relax. Just please don't send me any emails about it, I beg of you. Luke, who is squeamish and moody about nearly every subject one could mention at his counter, absorbs this news pretty much like it's no big deal. Not so T.J. He says that Liz got the idea from their friend Marcy, who plays the midwife at the Ren Faire. Okay, that's hilarious. Especially, as T.J. points out, since Marcy has five kids, all born in hospitals. He continues to freak, pretending that he is finding alcoholic relief from the club soda Luke has given him, and they have sort of an awkward conversation about Liz's doula, Sandy, that must have been written on the spot, because Scott Patterson has the same line over and over: "I can't believe she's having her baby at home." T.J. says that Liz wants Luke to be there when the baby is born, and he agrees to this like it wouldn't affect him at all to be present at his sister's nude, unmedicated homebirth. Escorting T.J. to the door, Luke's all smiles until he looks out into the street and sees Lorelai and Christopher walking arm in arm. I am pleased and shocked to say that, finally, finally, he shows, like, an emotion about their relationship, violently slamming the door and yelling at all the knitters to get out.