Luke can't figure out what's wrong with his shoe polish. Jess tells him that it's old and that's why it's all clumpy. "Shoe polish goes bad?" Luke realizes. T.J. enters, in tights, and asks why Luke doesn't have a full-length mirror. He goes on about how great it is to look at his bottom half, and then goes on for the rest of the episode about how wonderful tights are. Nice wedding outfit, Jess. You always wear your grampa's golf outfit for formal events? Jess tells T.J. to put a shirt on. T.J. asks Jess if he's getting Jess hot. T.J. loves his tights. Jess picks out Luke's tie. T.J. tells Luke he borrowed his deodorant. Jess tosses Luke's deodorant in the trash.
Even though Luke was going to pick up Lorelai, she shows up outside his diner ready to go. She's in pink with some kind of headdress of flowers. Fruity fluty music plays in the background. There's some girl working in the diner who isn't Lane and isn't Cesar and YOU CAN'T JUST ADD TOWNIES WILLY-NILLY. Lorelai compliments Luke's tie. He tells her she looks beautiful. They head across the street to the wedding together as pan flutes test our patience.
Lorelai and Luke head into the wedding arguing about whether men can wear wreaths in their hair. They are stopped by a DeLuise with a crap Ren Faire accent, teasing them for not attending the wedding in costume. He hands Lorelai a card for his furniture store in Nutley. Not one person attending this wedding is smiling. Luke tells Lorelai that he's going to try to keep a proud look on his face to cover up the smirking, about-to-lose- it-with-laughter face that's really going on just underneath. He asks Lorelai to help him with that. Lorelai thinks it's sweet how they all travel together, engaging in silliness, like a family of goons. Slutty Carrie, now officially Tarty Wench Carrie, serves up her boobs on a corset of skank. Luke isn't interested. Lorelai gets possessive when Tarty Wench tells Luke she's flying solo tonight, since her husband's back home. Lorelai shows a claw or two, and Carrie backs off. She says that there's a bit of a delay before the wedding, because Liz ripped her dress. "I'm supposed to spread the message," she says. Luke: "Well, spread it, Carrie. Uh! The message." She leaves, prompting Luke to comment that she makes him very uncomfortable. Lorelai says she should probably go sew up Liz's dress, since she knows how to sew. Luke begs Lorelai not to leave him alone. Lorelai says that Carrie's busy with the guy with the codpiece. Lorelai leaves.