Liz is wearing some costume left over from a bad Romeo and Juliet show. Miss Patty is fretting over the ripped seam. Lorelai fixes it as Liz complains that she's a klutz and is nervous. Lorelai tells her she looks great. Liz says that this is her first wedding where she's sober, and that she'll probably remember this one. Miss Patty says that means it might stick. Liz asks Lorelai if she was nervous at her wedding. Lorelai says she was never married. "But you have a kid," notes Liz. "Found a way around that," Lorelai says. Liz asks her if she wants to get married. Lorelai says it's inappropriate for Liz to propose on her wedding day. Liz laughs and asks Lorelai if she wants to get married to someone someday. Lorelai says if she meets the right guy. Liz says she hates being single. She tells Lorelai that she could get married for fifty years, for most of her life. Liz says she doesn't want to screw up this marriage even more than she wants some pot: "That's how serious I am." Jess shows up asking Liz if she's ready. Lorelai tells Liz that she and Jess know each other, since Jess dated Lorelai's daughter. Liz asks Jess if he broke Lorelai's daughter's heart. Jess puts down his bag, stammering. Lorelai says he didn't, and that it just didn't work out. Liz says she doesn't want Jess to be like his father, breaking hearts everywhere. She'd rather he was more like T.J., or her second husband, or the boyfriend after her third husband. Lorelai's finished, so Jess leaves to tell the others. Liz tells Lorelai that she'll make a great wife someday, and a wonderful sister-in-law. She tells Lorelai that Luke is waiting, unless Carrie suffocated him with her boobs. "Well, that would be festive," says Lorelai. On her way out, Lorelai spies on Jess's bag, seeing the love self-help book on top.
Ren Faire wedding. Lorelai sits next to Luke and tells him everything's fine. Fairies. Flowers. I don't know who Leslie Van Houten is, so I miss a joke. ["She was in the Manson family; there will probably be more about her in our Mondo Extra on Helter Skelter, coming soon!" -- Wing Chun] Cartwheels. Silliness. T.J. and his tights. Everyone wants a groom to walk in talking about his balls, don't they? He thanks Luke for keeping his pits dry. Liz arrives on a carriage. "Oh, I want one of those," Lorelai says. You have one. Luke. Liz walks up to T.J., who is busy telling his brother that his bride looks hot. "Smokin'," the brother DeLuise agrees. Liz kisses Jess on the cheek and he walks away, rubbing his face. Lorelai asks where the minister is. The farmer's market proprietor and second-place troubadour strums up singing this song about how as kids we shared our toys, Parcheesi, chess and Risk, and now love is the greatest toy to share. I always wanted a Spirograph. Luke is about to lose it, and squeaks out a "Help!" Lorelai is also about to lose it, and tries to think of terrible, horrible things so they don't guffaw through the ceremony. "Can't," Luke says quickly. Hee. This is not unlike during Omar G's recent wedding ceremony, when Stee tried to crack me, Wing and Glark up by pointing out the hymnal in the book that read "Behold the Wood." Uh, yeah. We're assholes. But this means that Omar G gets to do the same thing when Stee and I have our ceremony soon. Yes, girls and boys, if you made it this far in the recap your "reward" is the announcement that Stee and I are getting hitched. I'm totally engaged. And maybe we can have our ceremony in Stars Hollow, because that's about what we can afford -- a fictional wedding in a fake cardboard town. Liz tells T.J. that her heart pours out to him. He's good to her and for her. T.J.'s all, "I love ya" because his tights don't have pockets. And that's what we call this crazy game called love.