I had a dream last night that one of you emailed me to say you were worried about the amount of drinking I had been doing lately. "It's not funny to have a glass of wine when you're alone," you wrote. "Please keep your recaps alcohol-free. Thanks. Love, Concerned Readers For Decency." It's best not to well on what my dream means.
Lorelai walks into MamaLane's antique shop and asks about a door knocker. MamaLane finds it right away, saying that it might have been James Madison's: "James Madison liked big knockers." Lorelai laughs that many of the founding fathers probably liked big knockers. She apologizes, saying she'd explain the joke if she could. MamaLane: "It's a double entendre. I've been in this country twenty years. I get things." I love MamaLane. Lorelai agrees to the ninety-dollar sticker price. MamaLane hands Lorelai some mail for Lane to give to her at Luke's. Lorelai thinks that this has gone on long enough, and says she knows the Lanes miss each other. She tells MamaLane to call her daughter. MamaLane tells Lorelai to mind her own business. Lorelai resigns as MamaLane's mailman. MamaLane ups the knocker price to $140.
Luke's got a rotisserie going in his diner as he makes turkey legs. Liz is too busy chuckling with her girlfriends to plan her wedding. Why should she, with everyone else doing all the work, anyway? Slutty Carrie is giving the argument for polygamy, saying that it's unnatural for homo sapiens to mate for life. The other slutty friends tell Liz that she's so lucky that T.J. is "yum yum." I think it's wrong when a girl tells a girl that her boyfriend is "yum yum." Like, get your tongue off my man, ho. Carrie calls white tigers "retarded," which is pretty funny. It's also funny that she's wearing hot pink leopard-print. They still make that? Carrie goes on reciting material from the Catskills in 1952, rim-shotting that men are only good for one thing, and that they aren't even all that good at it. Carrie works for Hallmark, doesn't she? Those cards with the "wacky" old lady on the cover, the one who's always talking about her boobs falling to her ankles? Referring to the turkey legs, Luke asks Liz how he knows if he's doing it right. Slutty Carrie says most guys don't know if they're doing it right. Liz makes a face that reads, "Why do Daniel Palladino's scripts always have jokes that would make Don Rickles cringe?" She tells Luke she doesn't know how to cook turkey legs, and apologizes that Luke now has to cook all of them. Luke asks if that's how turkey legs are supposed to look. Carrie tells him to take off his pants so they can find out. Luke asks why they haven't left for the spa yet. The girl say they're leaving in a minute.