Gilmore Girls
Last Week Fights, This Week Tights

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peaceth

Lorelai wanders through the square and finds Jess casually sitting on a bench (where people can see him? In the sunlight? Makes no sense!) reading a magazine called Punk Planet. Lorelai pretends not to see Jess and he pretends not to see her. Lorelai runs past, and the camera pans around to an over-the-shoulder of Jess, who is doing that book-within-a-book thing we see on television but never do in real life because it's hard to turn the pages. He's reading Luke's self-help book. I don't really buy that Jess would turn to self-help, since he doesn't like to do anything that even rhymes with the word "help" and he already loves himself more than anyone else in the world, so why would he think that he doesn't deserve love, or that he's having a hard time finding love? Jess doesn't have a problem landing girls; he's already had both skanks and virgins in Stars Hollow, and presumably fucked Sherilyn Fenn before his real dad kicked him out of Venice, so why would Jess think he needs help in romance? He needs help in hair. And fashion. I thought he liked being an asshole. He seems so smug about it all the time. I can't just sit here and go on about Jess because we'll never make it through the episode. Suffice it to say (hey, is that how that phrase goes? Here's where Wing will let me know: ["Yes." -- Wing Chun]), this is a conversation for a time when I'm not all full of the boozy bravado, where I just keep on babbling without any person able to interrupt me and go, "Well, it's late."

Man, how does AB Chao do this every week? It's exhausting. I'd better make some popcorn to go with my wine. "Popcorn and wine? Oh, that's real class, Jan." I don't talk to myself when I'm alone. Do you? Let's take a poll.

Awesome. My popcorn is the perfect level of burned. Even though just days ago Sookie slept with Jackson by his zucchini because he loves his vegetables so much, today she's willing to yell at him for having limp radishes (Dirty!). Jackson and Sookie argue over the radishes as Sookie tells Jackson that they're puny, tasteless, and small enough to shove up their son's nose. Lorelai enters and interrupts, suggesting that they don't shove anything up their son's nose. She then calls Rory on her cell phone, realizing that in all of their years together she might not have ever told Rory not to shove a radish up her nose, and Rory isn't able to reason or function on her own. Jackson leaves in a huff, and Lorelai congratulates Sookie for having her groove back with Jackson. Sookie says that felt as good as a Jack LaLanne workout. Lorelai asks, "Dead or alive?" Sookie doesn't know, and admits that it's going to bug her.

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Gilmore Girls

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