Lorelai and Luke struggle to choose a paint color for their walls. Luke becomes a sponsor for the baddest, newsiest, bad news bears girls' soccer team that ever tore down the field. Rory is starting to feel the strain of being under Emily's constant, burning gaze, and fakes her out by lying about her nightly wherabouts. Unfortunately, she's been hanging out with Logan and his dumb, drunk friends, being their designated driver. Jess materializes out of the past, all cleaned up and with his newly-published book under his arm. Rory is glad to see him, but is not so glad to see Logan act like a jerk and dog him out. Speaking of dogs, Paul Anka gets sick, and Lorelai transfers all her shame about Rory's failures onto him. Meanwhile, all those failures are coming home to roost. Jess finally, FINALLY pulls the wool off Rory's eyes about her lame behavior, and they have a showdown that seems to wake her up to her own dumb-assity. She gets tough with herself, with Logan, and with her grandmother. Maybe our little girl is actually growing up.
Oh my Goooooooooood, the renovations at Lorelai's house are still going oooooooooooooonnnnnnn. And now Luke, Lorelai, and Paul Anka are at the MOST painful and difficult part: choosing a paint color. Lorelai can't decide on a combo, and I feel for her. I mean, I'd like to bust on her, but I have recently spent agonizing hours doing the same thing, causing my mother loudly to give false witness, in front of the entire staff of the Lowe's (no relation) paint section, that I am "legally colorblind." Anyway, Luke is giving off vibes of impatience. He's tired of waiting, and refuses to go away, since the last time he left Lorelai alone to think about it, she was looking at the reds, again, and she doesn't even like red. Going to get a beer, he notices that several pairs of her shoes are lined up at the bottom of the stairs. She says that Paul Anka has been systematically marching her shoes downstairs, and she has no idea why. She won't let Luke take them back upstairs: "No, I want him to march them back up himself. How else will he learn?" Luke sighs, calls Paul Anka a weirdo, and sits down. Lorelai wonders aloud why she said she didn't like red. Luke's about to crack, and asks about the white she had picked out before that they liked. "It didn't go with Paul Anka," she says, holding the chip up to the dog. It totally does NOT go with Paul Anka, either. Luke tells her that if she doesn't pick a color before the painters get ready to paint, they'll go on another job and won't be back for weeks. Lorelai asks Paul Anka what color he would prefer. He licks "dark magenta" for the walls, baseboards, and the ceiling. "You've got the Queer Eye, my friend," Lorelai tells him.
Rory wakes up in the Big House to her grandmother's early, loud knocking. Not sure why they showed us that thirty seconds...
...since we cut directly from there to the diner, where Lorelai is still torturing Luke with her indecision on the paint colors. Apparently, she has settled on the perfect color schemes for...everyone else's houses. "I showed Sookie that 'blanched almond,'" she says. "She flipped." They are still hashing it out when two little girls and a lady kind of drift up, waiting. "Hey," Lorelai tells Luke, "I think the Lullaby League is looking for you." The little girls introduce themselves as Megan and Tillie. "We go to Stars Hollow Middle School," Megan says. "You went there." Hee. Luke says yes, he did. They want him to sponsor their soccer team -- their old sponsor, Luger's Bait &Tackle, is closing. "Oh, that's right," Lorelai says, "They're shutting down. Luger's wife caught him at that motel with the transves..." -- she remembers the kids are there and changes course -- "ssistor...radio. And he retired, honorably." The girls tell Luke that, as a sponsor, he'd just have to buy their jerseys and stuff. He wouldn't even have to come to their games. He declines, uncomfortably, saying it's not really his thing.