Gilmore Girls
Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out

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Al Lowe: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Is That A Balalaika In Your Pocket...

It's folk night at Logan's gang's favorite bar, much to their collective chagrin. The singer is performing "Tom Dooley" while Colin, Finn, and Logan become increasingly more annoying. Colin makes some weird jokes about the song that I only half get because of his exaggerated fake drunkenness. I hate these characters. Is this how the kids tie one on these days? ["Yes, only even less wittily." -- Wing Chun] It upsets me. Logan is wearing his dumb jacket again -- the one with the ratty seams that screams "I'm so rich, I'm poor!" -- and his hair is oh-so-appropriately tousled as he orders another round. Rory wonders why he'd do that, since he has a drink in front of him, and he explains that he's anticipating his future needs: "You don't wait until your drink's done. That's for amateurs." Rory rolls her eyes: "Right. I forgot you went pro." Oh, Rory. Man, it sucks being this age and being out with this guy and raise your hand if you've been there, because haven't we all? I feel like we're minutes away from one of the guys saying something like "Relax, he's only had seven beers!" They talk loudly about some other dumb shit, I don't know, until someone at the neighboring table asks if they'd shut up so that he can hear the singer. Colin wonders aloud if that's the singer's boyfriend. Finn remarks that it's probably her brother. "Or, both," Colin quips. "They could be Southern." How do I hate them? LET ME COUNT THE WAYS. Wait, wait. Do I need to count them? I mean, I'm Southern, so I can't actually count, so let me just say that calling them stupid would be an insult to stupid people and that I can ONLY assume that the girls are still at the table because they accidentally sat down in a pool of beer and they're afraid to stand up. Siiiiigh. Logan suggests that they start a new drinking game: "Every time the folk singer sounds sincere, take a drink." Har har. They satisfy themselves with throwing napkins at her instead, and still Rory and the other girls just go on sitting there like a bunch of Geishas.

At closing time, Rory has to wrangle all three boys, by herself, out into the street, where they further make idiots of themselves, further insult the institution of dramatic arts by behaving like fourteen-year-olds girls who just sipped one wine cooler and "like, got totally drunk," and just infuriating me overall. Somehow, Rory gets Logan, who is complaining non-stop about having to go to Omaha the next day, into the car and looks up to see that Finn and Colin have disappeared. We cut away, assuming of course that Rory has to run AFTER them, but hoping and praying instead that she gets into the car and drives around the corner where they are staggering through the street, and runs OVER them.

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Gilmore Girls

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