Hooray! We are reunited, and it feels so good, with our long-lost Lane. She has just painstakingly, but triumphantly, put both babies down for their naps when Zach comes in from grocery shopping. Allow me this nitpick, but I strongly question the presence of Trader Joe's in Stars Hollow, and yet I immediately recognized my beloved Honey Nut Os that Lane unpacks from the bags. Speaking of stuff in the bag, she is alarmed when she pulls out the name-brand diapers (only one package! For twins?! Hahaha!) and name-brand chips -- these things are not within their tight family budget. "I know," Zach says, "but I got some great news in the grocery store, and this was the only way I could think of to celebrate." Seems one of their favorite bands, Vapor Rub, called to see if Zach could fill in for their injured guitarist. Todd-Lowe-No-Relation does a fantastic job in this scene as well as this whole episode, by the way, even when he and Lane now proceed to name-drop enough real and fictional bands and venues to make Google crash. "Oh my God," Lane says, thrilled. "I want to yell, but I don't want to wake the babies. I'm yelling, on the inside." Zach says the band wants him to finish off a two-month tour with them, and that Lane and the boys will be coming along. "I told him I can't go if I can't bring the family," he says, "and he talked to the band, and they were into it." Lane still must contain her excitement. "Right now, she says, "I am howling at the top of my lungs, just so you know." But there's more news! When they get to Philly and DC, Zach says, the band will be opening for Tokyo Police Club. "Foot stomping," Lane says, "so much foot stomping happening here!" Zach says yeah, it's gonna be awesome. They'll be playing at the 9:30, The Black Cat, and First Unitarian. Lane is so excited for him and this opportunity. "So many people are gonna see you play," she says. "I'm so proud of you, Zach." He wonders if they should wake the babies and share the good news, and a look of burning steel enters Lane's eyes. "Do it," she says, "and die."
Driving a humongous vehicle that I have learned from investigation belongs to the Dragonfly, Lorelai arrives home to see that Rory is also there. Lorelai finds her in her room, hiding under the covers of depression. "I tanked it," Rory says. "My final." Lorelai tries to talk her down, but Rory is pretty sure she did, in fact, tank it. "Why?" Lorelai asks. "'Cause," Rory moans, pulling a blue book from the sheets, "I didn't even turn all of it in." She's totally chagrined. Halfway through her third blue book, she says, she just started wondering "what's the point?" about all of this school stuff, since she's never going to get a job anyway. Lorelai listens as Rory describes the Cringe Hall Of Fame moment of calling back the ProJo and begging for that chance again. "They already gave it to someone else," she says. "Some non-idiot who didn't think they were too good and turn it down." Lorelai insists that Rory's not an idiot. "I am," Rory says. "I can probably never show my face in Providence again." Heee. Lorelai thinks she probably can, and brooks no further bullshit. "Honey, you had a setback," she says, "and that is really hard and terrible, but there is some paper out there that is going to hire you as their future superstar; that's just a fact." She says it's obvious that Rory's just having a meltdown, which is fine -- after all, everyone needs to have a meltdown every once in a while. You know, Lorelai was far less chipper about Rory's last meltdown, but whatever. In any case, she's right, but Rory's not having it. "Do you know what the worst part of this is?" Rory says. "I thought I was so in at the Times. I was just saying that I wasn't going to get it, because I was trying to be humble, but I was so not humble. I was so cocky. I was already picturing myself working there!" She describes her fantasy lunches with Maureen Dowd and fantasy chats with Bill Keller and cringes anew as she remembers that she'd already picked out her outfit for her official ID photo. "The new suit with the red Theory shirt," Lorelai says automatically. Rory: "Yeah." She says that the idea of telling everyone that she didn't get it is humiliating and it sucks to disappoint everyone. "Honey," Lorelai assures her. "You could never disappoint me. Ever. Ever, ever. Ever." Except...when you slept with a married dude and later stole a boat. But who's counting those? Certainly not me. I love Rory again.