Gilmore Girls
Lorelai Out Of Water

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I'm Just a Girl. Someone Tell Me What To Think!

A woman walks in and asks Jess if she can speak with a "Lucas Danes." You know, they could just cut to the next scene with the two of them, since it's already obvious right here what kind of plot device this woman is, and why she's here. She's Taylor's lawyer, and wants Luke to sign the lease agreement. He invites her to sit for a cup of coffee. They chat and flirt. She's very meek, so she'll fit right in here at Stars Hollow's National Organization for Women (If the Men Don't Mind Too Much). The lawyer says that Taylor loves things to be formal, neat, and in triplicate. She sips the coffee and then has an orgasm about how great it is, and tells him his coffee's so big and strong. She even wipes the corner of her mouth after swallowing. The lawyer tries to pay for the coffee, but Luke, the man, won't let her. He wants to pay for it. She offers to let Taylor pay for the coffee, an idea Luke likes very much. She smiles and flirts and smiles and flirts and then leaves. Jess moves in for the kill and begins teasing Luke immediately. "Guess Gloria Allred wants to go slumming," Jess says. Gloria Allred should sue for having her name invoked in this anti-female episode. Jess goes on about how the lawyer was clearly hitting on Luke, laughing at his jokes and such. I have to rewind three times with every line of Jess's because it's hard to understand him sometimes. I think he says, "Didn't you hear her panting when you were signing those things?" Except he says "panting" like "painting." Luke says she's a suit, and so she's not his type. Jess says monks are his type, as he hasn't been on a date in a long time. Luke says he was on a date last month, but it's quickly revealed that all he did was drive a woman home. Jess says he's off to see Rory for a real date. Jess leaves. Luke walks back to the counter and stands still. He looks down at the counter, wishing someone -- anyone -- would shout "cut."

Luke's. Lorelai can hardly eat her food, because she can't stop thinking about a boy. Luke walks over to fill her coffee cup and Lorelai asks if he has any good stories. He says he doesn't. Lorelai gives some suggestions of good stories (fans of GG trivia take note: Luke's best friend is named Jeff Smith), and Luke remarks that Lorelai doesn't do very well when Rory's running late. Rory enters, asking if Luke kept her company. "Oh, he tried," Lorelai says, "but really he's got nothing." Luke thanks her and walks away. Rory has brought a stack of books about fishing to teach Lorelai everything she needs to know. Lorelai reads a chapter on deep-water fishing, something I'm pretty sure she won't be doing on Saturday, but whatever. Lorelai and I both learn that an "angler" is the person fishing. Next door, it appears Taylor is renovating my neighbor's house, and is using nineteen loud tools to do it. On the other side, I just saw they are testing paint colors. I will never know what silence sounds like ever again. Lorelai wonders if her sequined top will be an appropriate lure. They miss out on making both a "bottom feeder" and a "Sisqo" joke. Why read it without making the jokes? I don't know. They just read it. It makes no sense. She's talking about lures. The one fish needs a flashy lure, like a sequined top. The bottom feeders aren't really into lures and will latch onto anything, and Sisqo needs a thong. I'm not getting paid to fix their scripts, so we'll just move on. Lorelai says instead that the larger, flashy baits are just going to make her look cheap. Luke wanders over and asks what's going on. They tell him. Lorelai lies to Luke and says that some friends of hers want to fish, so she's decided she can do it, too. She says that she might be a really good fisher, and she wouldn't know. Luke calls them "Thelma" and "Louise" without a good reason, and then says there's a better way to learn to fish. As the girls debate the finer points of the Fishing Channel, Luke says he knows how to fish. They avoid a "wader/waiter" joke. Luke offers to teach Lorelai how to fish "tomorrow after work." When does Luke ever stop working? Anyway, I believe the old saying goes, "If you give Lorelai a fish, she'll eat it. If you teach her how to fish, she'll ask when you're making her dinner." Lorelai points at a page we can't see and tells Luke she doesn't want to learn "that." Too bad we can't join in on what's going on. Rory also doesn't want to look at whatever it is we can't see. And since there's no joke, and we're completely lost, they end the scene.

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Gilmore Girls

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