Gilmore Girls
Lost And Found

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Jess Is a Tool

Lorelai walks into her house (I guess work's over?) and finds Jess walking out of Rory's bedroom. He's wearing the same outfit from yesterday. Did he ever leave? Lorelai asks if he got lost. Jess says he was looking to see if Rory had a copy of Franny and Zooey. She does, so he doesn't need to buy it for her. Lorelai says it was nice of him to think of Rory. They stare for a while, until Jess says he needs to get back to work. Lorelai gives him the slitty-eye stare as he walks past her. Lorelai looks into Rory's room, but doesn't find any writing in blood on the walls.

Cardigan Man's Market. Luke's doing some shopping. Cardigan Man says the word "good" nine times when he sees Luke. This doesn't make Luke happy. Cardigan Man says he has a couple of questions about Luke's application. This makes Luke even unhappier. Turns out that Cardigan Man owns the apartment Luke's trying to rent. Yikes. Having Cardigan Man as your landlord. Talk about a list of rules. Luke moans that he looked at a thousand apartments and ended up picking the one owned by Cardigan Man. "Well, count yourself lucky, you!" Cardigan Man sasses, tapping Luke's chest with his clipboard. He says that his apartments have a level of quality control that is "sorely lacking" in the rest of Stars Hollow. He says that all of his properties get their grass measured before, during, and after mowing to ensure the proper inch and a half. Grass Nazis. Luke asks what Cardigan Man meant by the word "all." Cardigan Man says he's got ten properties. Luke asks if Cardigan Man is trying to buy up the town. This is a thought that is very pleasing to Cardigan Man, and says that someday it might happen. Luke yells at Cardigan Man that he can't tell people what color to paint their buildings. "Well, someone has to," Cardigan Man says. Luke says that nobody has to, because they don't live in a fascist society. Cardigan Man says that the fascists had spotless parks. Luke says he has to get out of the store.

Cardigan Man follows Luke out of the store. Luke tells him to tear up the application, because he's not moving and he's a two-inch grass type of guy. Cardigan Man says he's thinking of purchasing the flower shop next to the diner, and turning it into a collectible-plate store (with all the greats like Liza, The Wizard of Oz, and yes, we finally have proof that Cardigan Man is totally gay). He says he's got a problem with Luke's sign. Luke's father's old sign is still up (in addition to the sign that clearly reads "Luke's"); the original sign says "Hardware" when it's a diner and Cardigan Man is worried that people will get confused trying to find the diner and end up not walking into the collectible-plate store because of their confusion. Luke is a shade of purple I've never seen before as he tells Cardigan Man to get a good "arm-swinging length" away from him. Cardigan Man tells Luke that it's people like him that keep Stars Hollow from being one of the great towns in America. Luke screams, "Arm-swinging length!" Cardigan Man rips up the application and tells Luke he wouldn't have approved it anyway. He tosses it in the trash. Luke is panting and sweating as he walks back to the diner.

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