Gilmore Girls
Lost And Found

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Jess Is a Tool

Lorelai storms into her house. She pouts on the couch. There's rapid knocking at the door. Lorelai answers it. It's Luke. Didn't he just see Jess? He tells Lorelai that she just cost him one hundred thousand dollars. He storms into the house. "Oh, good," Lorelai says.

Luke tells Lorelai that Cardigan Man is trying to turn Stars Hollow into Taylorville, "where everyone will wear cardigans and have the same grass height." He says that when he found out that Cardigan Man wanted to buy the building next to the diner to turn it into a store for "freaks" who don't have the brainpower for stamp collecting, Luke lost it. He walked around in a blind rage, crazy, until he bought a Belgian waffle. He says he didn't eat it, but just buying it alone shows how crazed he'd become. He says he had Lorelai's voice in his head telling him to take a chance, so he bought the building next door. He's the building's owner. He owns the building. Lorelai says he can probably go back to the bank and say he lost his mind, or he could sell the building to Taylor. Lorelai tells Luke to relax and that this can be fixed. Luke asks why he shouldn't want to get out of this. Lorelai says that owning the building gives Luke options, like expanding Luke's or renting it out to someone else who could drive Cardigan Man crazy. Luke says that he should sleep on this. Lorelai offers him some tea. He sits down and agrees to tea. Lorelai asks Luke if Jess ever talks about Rory. Luke says that he never talks to Jess about anything, really, but that if something were going on between Rory and Jess, he'd be really happy. He says that Rory would be really good for Jess. Lorelai agrees that she would be good for him, but doesn't add that she doesn't really want her daughter to have a project for a boyfriend. I don't know why Luke doesn't pick up the disappointment in Lorelai's voice. Lorelai gives a strained "yeah...great."

Luke storms into his apartment, where Joey Ramone is getting blasted ("What A Wonderful World") at top volume. Luke saunters up to his closet and opens it. He takes out a sledgehammer. He walks to the other side of the apartment. Jess follows. Luke slams the hammer into the wall and blasts a hole into it. "That's your room," he says to Jess, handing him the sledgehammer. "Finish up. We'll hold hands and skip afterwards." Jess stares as plaster falls from the hole. Luke walks off as Joey Ramone takes us to the end of the episode.

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Gilmore Girls

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