Luke finds the hovel Jess has been staying in. When Jess answers the door, Luke delivers a great line: "Hey, neighbor! The guys next door just ran out of crack to sell, so they sent me over to borrow a cup." This may be the first or second time we've seen Jess out of that ridiculous leather jacket, and I have to say: much better. Kinda cute. Good arms. Hair looks better when it's not trying so hard to be fake punk. Why do they dumb him up with that jacket? Anyway, Jess lives in a hole, but so does any other guy his age who loves Bukowski and breaking hearts. Jess tells Luke he's doing great and that his place is fine. Luke asks which filthy mattress is Jess's. Luke tells Jess he has to go to his mother's wedding. Jess says he'll just catch the next one. As Luke goes on about how Liz really appears to like T.J., Jess pouts and heads to the fridge. Luke says they have to give this thing a chance. Luke tells Jess that he'll regret this if he ever manages to grow up and drop his self-destructive behavior: "You are gonna feel like a big, steaming mound of crap that you missed this." I hate when people refer to poo as steamy. It's so nasty. Like "moist." Bleagh. "Moist" and "steamy" aren't good words, people. Has anyone ever seen poo steam? Do you have to live in cold weather to see that, and more importantly, how close do you have to be to the poo in order to see the steam? Also: don't answer that. Jess's pager goes off. Luke asks if he's a drug dealer now. Jess says he's a messenger and has to leave. Jess wakes up one of his roommates, who has been sleeping under a blanket all of this time. "It's 4," he says to the lump on the floor. Luke tells Jess that he owes Luke for all the crap Jess put him through last season. Luke and Jess stomp out of the apartment.
Luke's. He's on the phone with someone, arguing about wheat. Lorelai enters and sits at the counter. Luke says he's ordering the wheat for decoration, not to eat. "No, I'm not going poofy on you, dammit!" he yells into the phone. Boo to that joke. Luke hangs up and asks Lorelai what happened to all the wheat in this country. "Isn't Kansas lousy with wheat?" Lorelai remembers Toto running through it. She orders coffee and asks about the need for wheat. Luke tells Lorelai about Liz's wedding, and acts like she should have known about it, even though Luke himself only found out at the most two days ago. Luke says he got sucked in just like always, giving Liz and T.J. cell phones, picking things up, calling for wheat and pewter. He asks where he could find myrtle. Lorelai tells him not to add stuff from his to-do list to hers. She asks if she's now caught up on all the news. Luke says she is. Jess enters and tells Luke he's not paying for a hotel, so he's staying upstairs. He heads up as Lorelai's all shocked and gasping, amazed that Jess is in town without her getting a memo. Luke says he wasn't sure Jess was coming, since he just went to see him in New York. Lorelai complains that she needed some things picked up in New York. Luke tells her not to add stuff from her to-do list to his. Luke appears to stare right at us as Lorelai makes an awkward metaphor about her to-do list being as long as the birth rate in China.