Emily has hired the fanciest of all party planners to put together Lorelai's wedding celebration. Lorelai, naturally, hates every second of the planning and acts line a nine-year -old. Liz brings Doula to the diner to visit Uncle Luke, and suggests that he get a lawyer to deal with the whole April/Anna debacle. Following this mature advice, Liz promptly dumps her baby on his counter and dashes for a Mother's Day Out. Out on a walk with Doula, Luke runs into Lorelai in front of Doose's. As they coo over the baby together, Christopher walks out and gets an uncomfortable look. Later, his insecurity gets the best of him, and he tells Lorelai he wants to have another baby with her. Like, RIGHT NOW. When she is hesitant, he gets offended and wreaks his revenge the next day by taking Emily's side at the wedding party planning. They get in a big fight, and he accuses her of being selfish. Speaking of motherhood, April's mother is getting her bitch on. Luke is thus put in the unusual position of taking Liz's advice: he consults a lawyer from whom he does not get good news. The attorney tells him he'll have to fight in court, and do it soon. Logan doesn't like that Rory and Marty are pretending not to know each other, and much to everyone's great disappointment, he busts the secret wide open, embarrassing everyone. Everybody's upset about everything, but no one is pissier than Christopher, who drunkenly decides that it's finally time he and Luke had it out. They get into an awesome, wordless beatdown in the town square which ends with no clear winner. A beatdown of a gentler sort takes place when Emily ambushes Lorelai with marital advice, telling Lorelai that if she doesn't take her relationship seriously and learn to compromise, it could be over before she knows it.
Lorelai and Christopher are saying their loving goodbyes as he leaves their house for work one morning. Except, well, they aren't in their house. ["And he doesn't have a job, does he?" -- Wing Chun] They're in a new house that's for sale, practicing their morning routine to see how it would feel if they were to move there. Christopher thanks Lorelai for making him those delicious frittatas for breakfast. That's how we know it's fake. Lorelai's wearing another wrap dress that even slightly resembles a bathrobe. It's gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but I'm saying it might be a gorgeous bathrobe. Chris and Lorelai quiz the realtor -- who has witnessed their little charade -- on whether the lighting makes them look young enough, and she seems charmed by their cuteness, though when she excuses herself to "make a phone call," I am positive she's calling the cops to see if any criminals have escaped the loony bin recently. Chris and Lorelai review the great features of the town, house, yard, and mailbox. "Honey," Lorelai says, "I can't imagine a better house." They walk outside smiling, but Christopher can't help noticing that Lorelai's smile has turned into a cringe. "You want to stay in Stars Hollow," he says, putting his arm around her. "You want to stay in your house. You don't want to move at all." Lorelai says he's right, in which case, I don't know, maybe she could have mentioned it before they engaged a realtor and went out looking at houses in an entirely separate town? There is, after all, precedent: remember that endless storyline involving the remodel (by Luke) of the CrapShack which took place solely because Lorelai did not want to...what was it, again? Move. Out of her house? What IS this mess? We have already DONE all this with Luke. And he had the exact reaction Christopher is now having: to give Lorelai what she wants. So...what is this? NEXT.
Have y'all seen this Hallmark commercial where the lady whips out the singing snowmen in a crowded airport lounge and dozens of disgruntled passengers suddenly light up and gather around and become a big happy family? Do you also believe, as I do, that what would happen in reality would be that one of those angry travelers would more likely beat that woman to death with a valise?
Lorelai has arrived at her mother's house to do some party planning for the big wedding celebration Emily will host for her and Christopher. Lorelai is already annoyed by the whole thing before she even hears that Emily has hired one of the area's premiere event planners to handle the event. Randall Farber, queenier than Dame Edna on poppers, brushes aside Lorelai's late arrival, saying he's used to such behavior, being an opera man: "I've worked with Renée Fleming. The personality of a pit bull, that one, but all is forgiven when she sings, am I right?" I don't care if Renée Fleming eats live babies backstage every night, I recording of her singing La Trav that blows my mind. Lorelai, however, is less impressed at the reference, nor is she thrilled by any of this party stuff, especially when Randall tells her that they're going to have to decide on a theme for the night. "How about 'man's inhumanity to man'?" she cracks. "It always used to work for my term papers in high school." She says she doesn't really want the party to be a big production, anyway, at which Randall reminds her that every party is a production. If the production is not good, he says, the party is not good, and everyone leaves by 8:30. "What about that as a theme?" Lorelai suggests. Emily and Randall ignore her.