Gilmore Girls
Nag Hammadi Is Where They Found The Gnostic Gospels

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Luke Gets Drunk

Lorelai comes downstairs complaining about how cold it is in the house. As a recapper currently wearing a shirt, a sweater, and a blanket, I raise my mug of coffee in solidarity. Lorelai wraps herself in her own blanket and talks to the lump of blankets on the couch, referring to it as Rory. Lorelai putters off to the kitchen to make coffee while rambling on about the Eskimos -- how they have to eat "whales and polar bears and penguins and Santa Claus." Lorelai dances back into the room, announcing that the Pop-Tarts are "Pop-Tarting," and threatens to sit on the mound of blankets on the couch if it doesn't wake up. But then Rory enters the room. These girls are amazingly calm in realizing that someone's in their house who isn't either of themselves. Rory wonders if the stranger sleeping in their house is Robert Downey Jr. The mystery is quickly solved: it's Lane. She is quite the heavy sleeper. "She must have followed me home from Yale," says Rory. And it's official. Rory doesn't know the difference between a best friend and a dog. Lane is her pet. Lorelai tells Rory that it's cold in the house because she broke a window the night before, trying to lock it. I'll bet she normally never locks that window, but as long as Jess is in Stars Hollow, she's locking everything that leads to her daughter.

Rory and Lorelai walk into the kitchen. Lorelai has left a message for Luke to come fix her window. Rory tells her to call a "window-fixing guy." Lorelai gives Rory a lengthy speech about how Luke never wants Lorelai to waste money doing things that can be done for free, like going to the ATM for money instead of getting it at the bank, or buying tickets at Ticketmaster. Seriously, is there any other way to buy tickets than Ticketmaster? Because if there's another way to buy them, I'll totally go wait in that line. But I think if I want to see Radiohead, unless I feel like living by the radio speaker waiting to be the hundredth caller, I'm going to have to pay thirty-five dollars in service fees. Lorelai sets up two chairs by the stove, opens the oven door, and turns on the gas. Well, consider both Luke and me completely outraged at that waste of money. Lorelai asks Rory what she's thinking about. "Nothing," Rory says. "'Nothing' wouldn't happen to wear a leather jacket and be able to pull off an extremely convincing 'Adrienne!,' would it?" Rory wonders if Jess froze to death. Lorelai says he probably didn't, because he wasn't sleeping in their house, and Luke probably "took care of it." Lane wanders in and asks if somebody sat on her, because her hip hurts. Lorelai tells her it must be old age setting in. Lane wanders away again. After a pause, Lorelai looks into her oven and wonders if perhaps Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, but merely cold. I'm not so sure she was crazy. Perhaps she was sad. Maybe she didn't want to sit through another Jess episode.

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Gilmore Girls

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