Hey, Max. Sorry to hear about the wedding. Oh, you didn't hear? It's been called off. Sorry to be the one to break it to you. Max walks down the hall and bumps into Rory. They stare at each other until Rory turns around and walks the other way, bumping into students. Max almost calls after her and then turns around, bumping into the oldest students I've ever seen at Chilton. They're testing me with their extras, I just know it. Paris watches all of this suspicious activity from behind a window, concocting a scathingly brilliant idea.
Lorelai finds a jumpy Luke inside his diner. He spills some coffee and Lorelai offers to lick it off the table. She asks whether Jess is there and how he's doing. Luke says he doesn't know, because Jess pretty much took off somewhere in Stars Hollow. Lorelai asks Luke why he didn't ask Jess where he was going. "Because he's not two," Luke answers. Lorelai says that Jess is in a town he's never been before and that he could get lost. Luke says that if you take three left turns in Stars Hollow you're back where you started. Lorelai says that Luke is responsible for Jess now. If Jess knocks over a liquor store, Luke can be held responsible. Luke says he's pretty sure that Jess wouldn't have told him if he had plans to knock off a liquor store. Lorelai says that Jess might have admitted it if he was dumb. Jess walks in at this point and tries to make a beeline for the room upstairs. Luke says he'd like to introduce Lorelai. Lorelai gets all chummy, introducing herself, introducing Rory, saying that Rory can show him where all the good wallowing goes on. Jess just stands there as Lorelai keeps talking until she dismisses him. Luke asks whether Jess is hungry, but Jess just hauls ass upstairs. "So, that's Jess," Lorelai says. "Very chatty." Luke makes some excuses, saying that Jess is probably tired and most likely just walked around Stars Hollow and realized that there are twelve stores dedicated to peddling porcelain unicorns. Heh. He says Jess will be okay in a few days. Lorelai invites Luke to bring Jess to dinner tomorrow night as a "Welcome to Stars Hollow" event. She says that Sookie will cook. Shouldn't she ask...never mind. Luke thanks her and says that would be nice. He asks whether she's going to bring up the bed. She says she definitely will.
Rory walks in, sits down, and says, "Oh, my God, I hate her." She starts drinking Lorelai's coffee as Lorelai says she hates her, too. Rory says that Lorelai doesn't know whom she's talking about. "Solidarity, sister," Lorelai says. Rory says that Paris thinks she can torture Rory off the paper, but she can't. She's never met someone with the ability to hold a grudge over nothing for so long, and she's starting to admire her commitment. Lorelai asks whether the first day sucked. Rory says only the paper stuff sucked, and the rest of the day was good. Lorelai awkwardly asks whether Rory ran into Max. Rory lies and says she didn't. Lorelai says she thought Max was Rory's lit teacher. Rory says she sat behind tall people. She admits that she ran into Max, but then ran the other way because she thought that's what Lorelai would have wanted her to do. Lorelai says that just because Max isn't in Lorelai's life anymore, it doesn't mean he can't be in Rory's. Well, he's going to be in Rory's, because he's her teacher, so she has no choice, which is why you weren't supposed to be dating him in the first place, Lorelai, but thanks for caring. I covet Rory's backpack. Lorelai says that she knows everything seems screwed up right now, but she doesn't want Rory to feel uncomfortable or think she has to avoid Max. She apologizes for putting Rory in this position. Good. See? Amy S.-P. always has Lorelai apologizing for her actions, like I was saying before. Rory says she's putting this on her list, which is getting quite long.