Previously on Gilmore Girls: Rory liked Jess. Lane met a cute boy. Rory liked Jess. Jess liked Shane. Rory liked CuteDean. Lane liked Music Boy. Rory liked Jess.
We open at Luke's. It's evening, and Jess is hard at work at the counter, reading a book. Lorelai tells Rory that she's in touch with "the other side." "With Republicans?" Rory asks. I guess political humor is just going to be a part of Season Three. There's nothing we can do. Apparently, Lorelai's been having these incredible premonitions. Luke brings over two plates of hamburgers. "Dead cow," he announces as he drops each plate to the table. Lorelai speaks in hushed, ominous tones as she announces that her premonitions have been about death -- specifically, her own death: "And the thing is, they're all silly." Of course they are. In one, Lorelai slips on a banana peel and falls into a vat of whipped cream. "Silly and fattening," Rory says. In another, a turtle eats her: "Very slowly, with lots of chewing." She couldn't run away due to immobilizing poison. Her goriest is where she's out hunting ("A favorite Lorelai pastime," Rory notes), and she shoots herself in the face, spinning her face around like Daffy Duck's beak. Lorelai makes Rory promise to move her face back to the front of her head if this ever happens. Rory says it depends on what she's got going on at the time.
Lane busts into the diner at this point and shouts, "Hello, Stars Hollow! Are you ready to rock?" Lorelai guesses that Lane has band practice tonight. Lane sits herself down at the table and proceeds to eat Rory's food (no wonder Rory's so skinny this season) as she gushes about her band. They're learning their fourth song tonight, which means they practically have a set. Lane knows that the set leads to the gig, which leads to the record deal. Lorelai orders Lane to swallow her food before she continues. Lane, still with food in her mouth, continues gushing about how this is the start of their battle with fame where they eventually break up. I guess that music shop run by Carole King is still around, because that's where Lane rehearses, borrowing drums she doesn't own. She says it's really time-efficient to rehearse there, because it's right next to her house, and she's home in time to watch Korean TV with MamaLane, who thinks she's out with Lorelai and Rory, which isn't exactly a lie since she's out with them right now. Lane explains that this is a fib, and not a lie, and that a fib isn't as bad as a lie. Lane knows the difference because her stomach feels horrible when she lies, like a wild animal burrowing into her. Lorelai says that's another one of her premonitions of her own death. Lane has to go, since she's trying to save the name of drummers everywhere by being on time for rehearsals. She snatches Rory's hamburger and leaves. Rory takes Lorelai's hamburger. Lorelai says that the band thing isn't really working out for her. She gives Rory a napkin to wrap her food as they stand. Lorelai says goodbye to Luke as the door opens. "Turn sideways!" Probawhore barks as she whips between Rory and Lorelai so that she can Velcro her face to Jess's as soon as humanly possible. "That girl's a freak," Lorelai says for no real reason. Jess and Probawhore make out as Rory and Lorelai leave the diner. "Make a hole," Luke tells Jess and Probawhore as he passes through with food. Dirty! Jess and Probawhore go back to kissing as we fade to opening credits.