Gilmore Girls
One's Got Class And The Other One Dyes

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C | Grade It Now!
Hate Your Life? Try Bad Wigs.

Okay, so outside the music shop we watch the ever-meandering townsfolk of Stars Hollow as we listen to the sounds of Lane's new band playing quietly. Inside the shop, we hear the most hesitant version of "London Calling" ever. It's like they're trying to play in the background of people talking. The band is headed by none other than Todd Lowe, an actor/musician friend of mine who went to college with me. One of my very first scenes at the University of Texas was with him. Embarrassing but true fact: my ex-boyfriend and I called him "The Wiz," named after the Seinfeld episode where Elaine's boyfriend had something about his stare that made you just dumb up and smile around him. Once, my ex-boyfriend gave up a parking spot to Todd Lowe. After the sheepish smile left his face, he looked at me and yelled, "He's the Wiz! Nobody beats him!" Anyway, Todd's doing his best Joe Strummer, considering that he's not really allowed to rock out. Dave's guitar isn't hooked up to any amp, anyway.

Dave, Lane's new rock god boy, stops everyone and says that something's missing. "Yeah, volume!" Todd Lowe shouts as he turns to Lane accusingly. Lane says the agreement was that they got free practice space as long as they played quietly. Dave asks Todd to try to live with it. He calls him "Zach," but I'm ignoring it. Poor Todd Lowe then has to say, "Dude. Brian's breathing is louder than the song." Brian's got a deviated septum. It runs in the females of his family, and himself. Todd Lowe says Brian's septum is throwing him off. Lane suggests that Brian hold his breath while they play. Lane tries to start the song up again, but Todd Lowe says the bottom line is that breathing shouldn't be louder than a rock band: "Am I right, or am I right?" He tells Dave that they need to "crank it up." Lane suggests that they listen harder, which will make it sound louder. Dave asks if there's any leeway. Lane says they might be able to move it up half a notch. Todd Lowe unplugs his guitar and gives up. "Dude. Lawrence Welk cranked louder than this," they make him say. "It's a waste of time." Lane runs over to Todd Lowe and babbles a billion words about how MamaLane has special hearing that can detect non-Christian music being played and will immediately come over and shut them down. Brian says that he's bailing if Todd Lowe's bailing. Lane says she's not exaggerating. She tells a story about how Kirk was once playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" with his band, the Kirk Gleason Five (Kirk fans, there's your new bit of trivia), and MamaLane shut them down so quickly that the band left without their instruments and never looked back. To this day, the sound of Queen makes Kirk tear up. Brian says, "Sorry." Todd Lowe practically falls asleep as he says, "Having a free practice space was cool and all but...not like this." Brian says they should just rent a space in Hartford. Lane says there's no way she can get to Hartford. They might as well practice in Paris, or Iceland, or the moon. Dave grabs Lane's arm and throws her out the front door.

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Gilmore Girls




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