Lane walks down her staircase over toward MamaLane in the antique shop. Lane gets nervous, and in another suspension of our disbelief, proceeds to have a five-minute conversation with herself, trying to get up the courage to speak to her mother. ["Seriously. This isn't Hamlet. No soliloquies." -- Wing Chun] I think Lane's already wearing a wig in this scene, since her hair is much longer than it usually is, and looks unnaturally thick around the part on her head. Or at least she's wearing some extensions. MamaLane interrupts Lane's monologue and tells her to come have some tea. Lane follows her into the kitchen. She tries to start talking, but MamaLane orders her to sit and have tea. Lane babbles for a little while that she has an idea that might make her happy and by proxy, make MamaLane happy because when she's happy her mom can be happy and happy, happy, happy, blah blah blah. She takes the cup of tea. MamaLane takes her seat and tells Lane she has some college applications she needs Lane to fill out. She's already approved all of them with their minister, and they're all good, solid Christian schools. They don't allow boys and girls to sit together in the cafeteria. She tells Lane she'll help her fill them out, and then they'll mail them on their way to choir practice. Lane, still afraid of her mother, says, "Yes, Mama." MamaLane reads from the first application: "If you meet Jesus walking down the street, what are the three questions you would like to ask?" MamaLane thinks of the first question and begins her essay answer as we fade to commercial.
Independence Inn. Michel is teasing Lorelai about her speaking engagement, wondering just how slim the pickings had to have been to make Lorelai a choice candidate. "You must be very fortunate to live in a tiny town where people make very little money. Elevates you by comparison. I wonder who their last speaker was -- the fellow in short pants that walks up and down the square with a metal detector? And if they find someone who drives a car that is less than eight years old, what will they do? Crown him King of Successful People?" Lorelai takes a phone call. It's Luke. "I'm backing out," he says as a hello. Lorelai says it's too late. Luke says he doesn't want to speak to a stupid class. Lorelai pouts that she'll be out her thousand-dollar deposit for the room rental for the thing-dealy later with the talking-stuff. Luke accuses her of talking crazy-talk to try to confuse him. "Aren't you!" she answers. Luke: "What?" Lorelai: "Who?" Luke: "Stop." Lorelai tries to hang up, but Luke says he agreed under coercion, so it doesn't count. She was talking baby talk loudly in front of his customers, so he agreed to go to shut her up. Lorelai threatens to speak in her Louis Armstrong voice until he goes. Luke says he hates the school. He says he has no good memories of that place. Lorelai says he'll enjoy it. He asks how she'd feel about going back to her high school to give a talk. Lorelai says she understands, but that she needs him to go. If he cancels, everyone in town will know him as the "talk-cancel-er guy." "Ouch," Luke responds. Lorelai says that her reputation with the Blonde Wigs is on the line, so she needs him to do this for her. You can't spell Lorelai without "F-A-V-O-R." Lorelai starts her really bad Louis Armstrong voice: "Hello, Dolly!" Luke, smiling, tells her to stop. "This is Louis! Dolly!" Luke threatens to hang up. "I'll be comin' round the diner singing soooonnngs!" Luke asks if she's been diagnosed. Lorelai says she'll see him tomorrow. So, I guess it's Wednesday. Lorelai hangs up and makes a tiny throat-clearing, coughing noise.