The Colgate 2-in-1 mouthwash / toothpaste might be the scariest thing I've ever seen. People, how lazy are we? Next will I have to buy steak with floss already wrapped inside?
Lorelai is sitting on Mustang Max's kitchen counter. He's doing the dishes; she's eating from a giant pot. He's mocking her, as they just finished this candlelit dinner that he prepared during which she only took two bites of her food, but now that he's doing the dishes, she can't stop eating. She says that watching people work makes her hungry, and if she hadn't stopped watching This Old House, she'd be five hundred pounds by now. Max adds more food to Lorelai's pot. Lorelai asks where he learned to cook the Italian dish they just had. He stammers an obvious lie about an old Italian lady that lived upstairs from him until she stops him to comment that it was obviously an old girlfriend and he admits that it was. What's amazing is that what has taken me only seven sentences to describe has taken them over four minutes of rapid-fire "banter" that leaves me too exhausted to recap. I'm so over Mustang Max. Lorelai jumps off the counter, spins a bit right in front of Max's lips, and then walks off. They almost kiss, but not quite. As Max continues cleaning the kitchen, Lorelai snoops over to his desk. She asks if he finished reading Rory's paper yet. He says he hasn't. "It's really good," she says, finding it in the pile of school papers and putting it on the top. Lorelai tells him that there are very big words in Rory's paper, so he'll probably need a dictionary for it. He says he'll have one. Lorelai offers to help him save time by just putting an "A" on it herself. Max says it wouldn't be fair to the other students whose mothers aren't there tonight. Lorelai flirts and grins. She says that life isn't fair and, "the sooner those kids learn that, the better." Lorelai turns around and starts going through Max's books, complimenting him on his collection. She pulls out one book and says that she's never read Proust, even though she's always wanted to. She'd like to sound all learned and be able to quote him every once in a while. Max tells her to borrow the book. She says she will. She sits down and starts thumbing through the pages. "Not now," Max laughs. No, go ahead and read, Lorelai. Because then you two aren't talking at the speed of light, and I don't have to transcribe any more SmarmyMax. She keeps acting like she's going to read the book, so he starts kissing her. She shuts the book and stands up into his arms. He keeps kissing her, even though she stops kissing him to quip something about her grades suffering if she doesn't finish her required reading, but Max keeps kissing her into his bedroom.