First of all, this title might just be a shout-out. I'm not saying anything about anything, but a few months ago I got the following phone call:
She: Okay, so we were on the phone and we were hanging up like we always do and I said something that made him laugh and then he goes, "I lo...mmm."
She: Yeah. And then I totally dork out and I go, "That's okay! Bye!" and hang up like it's the seventh grade.
Pamie: Look outside your window and see if he's riding his bike by your house.
She: He lo...mmm's me.
Pamie: That's wonderful!
She: Do you think?
Pamie: Hold on. I got another call. Hello?
He: Hi. I was hanging up the phone with her and I was all...
Pamie: I know. She told me.
He: I didn't quite say it, but I started saying it and now I don't know if I should finish saying it because she said it was okay and then hung up on me.
Pamie: I don't really have any advice, but I'd like to interject here that you two are officially the cutest couple in the world. This is the major problem in y'all's relationship. Consider yourselves very lucky.
Pamie: You really lo...mmm her?
He: I do.
Pamie: I'm hanging up with both of you. Call each other.
So, when they found out the title of this episode, they're wondering who over at the WB has been listening to their phone calls.
Previously on Gilmore Girls: despite all of our wishes, Lorelai went back to Mustang Max's house and did the mug-down. CuteDean took Rory out for dinner and then made her a car and then told her that he loves her and Rory just sat there and did nothing and so they broke up. I've missed him every second since.
We open at Luke's. Lorelai is finishing a story as Luke walks around tables, filling coffee mugs. She says that a magician ripped up her twenty-dollar bill while she was waiting in line for something, and he couldn't put it back together again, so he had to give her her money back in quarters. Rory yawns and says that was a great story. She says that she hasn't been sleeping well lately. Lorelai suggests that they play a game to wake Rory up; it's called "One, Two, Three." Lorelai decides to go first. Lorelai and Rory look out the diner window. "And...one!" Rory says. Close-up on an elderly man strolling by the window, looking back at Lorelai and Rory. Lorelai says she's not interested because she's not Anna Nicole Smith. "Two": Rory points out a boy on a skateboard. Lorelai says, "Pass." Rory asks why. Lorelai: "Because I'm not Mary Kay Letourneau." Luke walks up and leans down to look out the window with them. He asks what they're looking for. "My new husband," Lorelai replies. Rory says that Lorelai has already passed up two good prospects. Lorelai says that she's feeling pretty good about #3. See, here we can see that, technically, #3 was Luke, since he just leaned down and got in their faces. Rory then asks the same question I was thinking. "No," Luke answers. Lorelai tells Luke that he doesn't even know what they're doing. He says he assumes that the safest answer involving anything with Rory and Lorelai is "No." "We're playing, 'One, Two, Three: He's Yours,'" Lorelai explains. Luke: "I didn't ask." Rory explains that you can either take or pass the first two guys you see, but if you pass on the second, you're automatically stuck with the third guy. Luke seems slightly amused. Luke says he's not playing. "Well, of course not," Lorelai says. "It's still my turn." Rory says that guy #3 is about to cross the street. Luke leans down and then asks why he's looking. Lorelai points out that this is like a train wreck; you can't help looking even though you don't want to. Guy #3: Kirk! "Oh, no!" Lorelai moans. "Daddy!" Rory shouts. I love this show. Rory hopes that Kirk will buy her a pony. Lorelai wants to go back to "the old guy." Kirk walks into the diner. Luke walks over, slaps his shoulder, and congratulates him. Kirk uncomfortably thanks Luke, not wanting to confuse or anger the man holding the boiling coffee pot. Kirk hears Lorelai laughing and asks what's so funny. She says nothing. Kirk starts feeling his back, asking whether someone put the "Kick Me" sign on him again. Lorelai and Rory giggle. "It wasn't funny last week and it's not funny now," Kirk says, turning around to leave the diner. "I have asthma!" he whines as he opens the door. I love Kirk. I'll marry you, buddy. Lorelai and Rory dissolve into giggles as Kirk stomps off. Rory complains that Kirk is leaving. Lorelai yells for him to come back because she loves him. She says it's now Rory's turn. Rory says she doesn't know how she's going to be able to top Kirk. Lorelai says that Rory's right, so she can have Kirk. "And...one!" Rory and Lorelai turn and look out the window. CuteDean walks by, looking kind of behind him so his hair kind of flops over. My heart drops. Cut to Rory, who looks miserable. Lorelai says that they should probably order their food. Man. I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. They just haven't brought him up in forever. Rory tries to put on a happy face and says that ordering is a good idea. She keeps watching him in the distance, all pouty, breaking my heart. Fade to black and opening credits.
Independence Inn. Lorelai sits at a table, preparing the welcome folders for the rooms. The phone rings behind her and Michel answers it. Oh, it's Mustang Max. Like a good reservationist, Michel says that Lorelai is busy right now. Max says that he really needs to talk to her. Michel walks towards Lorelai as he asks whether the call is business or personal. Max says, "personal" and Michel throws the phone at Lorelai. Hee. As we hear Max asking whether anyone is still on the phone, Lorelai picks it up. She seems happy to hear his voice. Max asks whether this is a bad time. Judging from the fact that he's calling from the teachers' lounge, I think it's a bad time for him. Lorelai asks what he's wearing. He says, "Nothing." Lorelai says he must be very popular right now. He agrees and says he's also chilly. I really hate recapping the dialogues between Lorelai and Max. Lorelai says she thought they had a "chat date" tonight, a phrase that made me sneer involuntarily. Max says they do, but that he wanted to talk to her about something right now. Lorelai interrupts and asks him to make a gorilla sound. She says she wants to play Wild Kingdom. He says he won't make a gorilla sound. She says that if he does, she'll tell him what color underwear she's wearing. He pauses long enough that Lorelai is pleased that she actually got him thinking about making a gorilla sound. He says that he needs her to be serious for a second. "Says the man with no pants," is Lorelai's reply. Max says that he's been happy with all of their phone conversations over the past two weeks, and he thinks this has all done them a lot of good. So, this means that Rory and CuteDean broke up three weeks ago. The Tristan kiss should have been two weeks ago, so the party was two weeks ago, so last week's episode was one week ago, so two episodes ago was just some sort of Limbo episode involving Richard's mother that was probably supposed to be an earlier episode or something, because it sort of makes no sense at all anymore. Wait. No. It makes sense. The break-up episode and the break-up part two episodes took place the same week. Then the week after was when Rory set up Paris and Tristan and Lorelai I was in town. Then last week's episode would have been one week later when...no. Because the party was where Rory kissed Philllipppe, which would have been before she set him up with Paris, so there's a week overlapping here and what difference does it make? There's only one episode left after this and it's time to get back to CuteDean. Sorry. Mustang Max says that he'd like to have a date this weekend instead of a phone call. He asks to meet Saturday night at the same restaurant. Lorelai says that she thinks it's a good idea. She tells him to wear pants. He says he doesn't make any promises. Lorelai hangs up with a smile.
Rory gets hit in the face with a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. Lane hands Rory a bag from the market where CuteDean works. She got her everything on her list. Lane adds that CuteDean wasn't in the market. Rory acts like she doesn't care. Lane says she thought Rory would like to know, so she thought she'd mention it. Rory says that she didn't want to know. Lane says that she knows Rory's keeping this secret list of places where CuteDean is and isn't during the week, so she thought Rory would like to add this information. Rory says that she wasn't avoiding the market. Lane doesn't believe her. Rory insists. Lane asks what Rory's doing this evening. Rory says she has lots of homework to do, followed by homework and then a touch of homework. Lane says she has to meet her Science partner. "Fun," Rory says. "Yes," Lane says. "Science is fun." Rory asks if Lane's sure CuteDean wasn't in the market. Lane says she asked. Rory pulls a list out of her front pocket and jots down the time. She gives Lane a guilty look.