Outside Emily's, Lorelai explains that she's really going to put her parents in the bungalow outside of the inn. Is that what they're calling the barn now? She's going to lock them in a room together for a weekend until they either work things out or murder each other. Rory: "Well, look who died and made you Hailey Mills."
Kirk walks into the diner, tells Luke they need to talk, and heads up to Luke's apartment.
Once inside, Kirk notes how small Luke's place is, and then compliments the windows. "I don't have any windows," he explains. "My room at my mom's house used to be a bomb shelter. It's very cold. But great for raquetball." Kirk tells Luke that he needs Luke's help. Lulu is so excited about her romantic weekend with Kirk at the inn. Kirk is worried because they've never spent the night together. Luke says that this conversation is making him uncomfortable. Kirk says that it's not the sex, since they've had "lots and lots of sex," but the fact that he has night terrors -- "Basically, I freak out at beddie bye" -- and is worried that in the middle of the night he might try to kill Lulu, or at least strip down naked and run around screaming until he almost kills himself. Odd that something that's been plaguing him for years is unknown to the people of Stars Hollow. I guess Kirk's mom locks that bomb shelter at night. ["Also, between Kirk's night terrors and Digger's inability to sleep in a bed with another person, it makes you wonder what kind of freakish sleep problems Daniel Palladino may exhibit himself." -- Wing Chun] Kirk says the worst part of the night terrors is that he always ends up completely naked. He knows that Luke's in a nearby room and will be able to hear if Kirk does anything weird and can stop him before he scares Lulu, who just might be the love of his life. "I can't assault her before I tell her I love her," he explains. He tells Luke to listen for screaming or Russian, and then Luke should come in and pull Kirk off of Lulu, unless it looks like they shouldn't be separated. Luke's totally grossed out by the conversation. Kirk begs him, saying Lulu's banking on this weekend. Luke agrees and Kirk thanks him profusely: "Just don't touch my bottom or I'll think you have a machete." Luke tells Kirk to never say the word "bottom" again. Kirk thanks him again and starts to leave, but then asks, "What kind of clothes are you bringing?" Hee.
Sookie tells Rory that all seven of her kitchen staff are great. Rory tells Sookie that one is bound to start sucking soon. Lorelai now actually has one of those Nextel phones I was joking about last recap, and is using it to talk with Grumpy Tom about the doors which still aren't attached to their rooms. Tom promises that the doors are on their way. Sookie says that her staff is fantastic. Michel speaks over the other Nextel to announce that the guests are arriving. Lorelai asks him to stall, since the doors aren't here yet. Michel says he's bringing them up now. Tom beeps that the doors are on the way. Lorelai tells Tom she's loving him like a two-dollar whore. Tom: "Terrific. I'll tell my wife." Lorelai shimmies to the door, announcing to everyone that the guests are arriving. This is it. The Dragonfly is officially almost open for business, just like it was at the beginning of the season!