Gilmore Girls
Richard In Stars Hollow

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Papa Don't Preach

I was looking forward to this episode for a while. I wasn't disappointed. A good episode of Gilmore Girls that has all of the elements I love so much about this show.

We open at Emily's house. Rory and Lorelai have just arrived, and they comment on how cold it is outside. Emily tells them to warm themselves by the fire before they sit down to talk. Lorelai warns Rory: "Antennas up." "Aye-aye, Captain," Rory responds. Emily prepares a drink as she asks Lorelai how she's doing. Lorelai says she's fine. Emily asks how Rory's doing. Rory's fine. Lorelai carefully asks how Emily is doing. Emily's fine as well. Lorelai comments that all three of them are fine: "Just like the Judds." Emily hands Rory and Lorelai drinks as she asks Lorelai if she's dating. Lorelai says that she's not. She's totally single. Emily asks if there's any chance Lorelai might get back with Max. Lorelai says that's not happening. Emily asks if there's any interest with that man at the diner, "the one who refuses to shave." Lorelai laughs and says that Luke is just a friend. Emily wants to make sure that Lorelai isn't seeing anyone right now and has no potential spouse options. She asks what the odds are that Lorelai is going to find somebody and settle down. Lorelai asks what Emily is getting at. "Well," Emily says, "I visited the family mausoleum today." "Never what you think it's going to be!" Lorelai says to Rory. Best line of the episode.

Emily explains that there are only enough spaces in their crypt for herself, Richard, Lorelai, and Rory. Then it's full, and there's no room for anybody else, so if Lorelai does meet someone someday, she doesn't know where she'll put him. Lorelai suggests they just dump him at the local pool hall. "Don't be silly," Emily snits. Lorelai corrects herself to say this isn't a silly conversation. Emily says she looked into expanding into the neighboring crypt, but the family that owns it wouldn't even discuss it with her. Rory interrupts to say she's getting a little creeped out. Emily says they suggested that she buy a family annex -- then all the family riff-raff can live there, and the sacred Gilmores will all stay in one crypt. "Like an outlet store," Lorelai explains to Rory. "We'd specialize in the irregular family members." Emily says that way, if Lorelai eventually gets married someday (Lorelai interrupts here: "Mom, just say it -- 'fat chance' -- will you?"), there will be a place to move other family members in order to make room for Lorelai's eventually dead future husband. She asks Lorelai which one of the family members should be moved into the annex. Lorelai says that her Aunt Cecile should be moved, since she was so annoying at parties. "She loved the knock-knock jokes," Lorelai moans. Rory shouts that they can't just move Aunt Cecile out of her eternal resting spot. Lorelai counters by telling one of Aunt Cecile's beloved knock-knock jokes. They would end after someone asked, "Pineapple who?" No punchline. "That's where it ended. Never fully grasped the knock-knock concept," Lorelai says. "She was a complete idiot," Emily agrees. She says she'll move Aunt Cecile. Rory asks to be moved into the annex instead. Lorelai says that Rory has to be in the crypt, and that she can't be all alone with her Aunt Cecile. Rory says she doesn't want to be responsible for Aunt Cecile being moved. Lorelai asks if Rory can be thrown in with Lorelai. Rory says she'd like her own space. Lorelai says it'd be so much fun if they were in the same spot. She's getting buried with all of her CDs and her "Rock Star" belt. Richard walks down the stairs and says, "Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?" The past five episodes. Emily fills Richard in, and he suggests that Aunt Cecile -- the horrible woman with those awful jokes -- should be booted to the annex. End of discussion. "This is a cold, cold family," Rory moans. Fade to opening credits. See? That's the Gilmore Girls I know.

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