George Harrison, rest in peace. I'm incredibly lucky that every single day of my life was made sweeter by your music.
Lorelai walks into her house with an armful of videotapes. Rory calls that she's in the kitchen. Lorelai tells Rory that she couldn't make up her mind, so she got The Shining and Bringing Up Baby. She finds Rory and Sookie standing in the kitchen, looking guilty. They turn and show the wrapped present on the kitchen table. They've used their deductive reasoning skills to determine that this is a wedding present for Lorelai and Max. Lorelai checks the card and sees that it is for her and Max. "I guess news doesn't always travel fast," she says. Sookie asks if Lorelai is going to open it. Lorelai says she's going to leave it and return it tomorrow. Rory points out that there isn't a return address. Sookie and Rory explain that there might be a return address inside with a card saying who sent the gift, but Lorelai would have to open the present to find out. Lorelai submits and asks for a knife. Sookie rejoices at the gift-opening ceremony. Lorelai opens the gift. It's an ice-cream maker. Sookie approves. Lorelai says that neither "God's law nor Emily Post" would allow her to keep a wedding present when there isn't a wedding. Sookie says she heard on Martha Stewart that a late gift has different rules, and that it's okay to keep the present. She then explains how Martha massages her Chow, until Lorelai shuts her up. Sookie says if the gift arrives after eight weeks, you don't have to return it. Lorelai worries that keeping this ice-cream maker will send the three of them to hell, so she declares that nobody approaches the ice-cream maker until she figures out who to return it to. Lorelai leaves to start up The Shining as Sookie moans to Rory quietly, "I bet Max would let us keep it."
Chilton. These kids have tons of English teachers. Max is one, right? Then the old one was played by this lady that taught my class at Second City this year, and now there's a new one. This is just a Shakespeare class, I guess. An entire semester on Shakespeare? We did that in drama, but I figured it was a part of my BFA. My father has an English degree from Villanova, and they only made him read Merchant of Venice. Anyway, this teacher assigns an act from Romeo and Juliet to different groups that will be combined with her third period class. Each group has a week to nominate a director, cast the scene, and perform the scene with their own interpretation, from Mafiosi to Roman Empire to Sonny & Cher (why Paris laughs at that, I don't understand). Then she tells them that this is fifty percent of their final grade. Wow. Is it the end of the semester? Why do they only get a week for fifty percent of their final grade? I hate Chilton. Louisa, Fraulein, Paris, and Rory are all assigned to the same group. Act V. Paris stands up and says, "Why don't they just sew our sides together and rename us Chang and Eng?" Hee.
Out in the hallway, Henry bum-rushes Rory. He confirms their phone call for tonight at eight. Paris walks between them and apologizes for interrupting. She continues, "But see, we're all standing there trying to map out a game plan and rehearsal schedule? And I'm sure whatever the two of you were talking about over here is so much more fascinating and important and…well, let's just say it, fun. But I'd really like to get an A on this assignment, and in order to do that, I'm afraid you're gonna have to discuss your sock hops and your clam bakes some other time. Okay? Thanks." Henry tells Rory, "That was scary." Rory says it'll be scarier once Paris gets a megaphone in her hands.