Gilmore Girls
Santa's Secret Stuff

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B- | Grade It Now!
Home For Fake Christmas

Back from commercials, everyone is hauling in their discount post-Christmas trees. Christopher is a bit skeptical at the selections they've had to make: "You don't think our trees are...maybe a little homely? I'm just saying. Our trees are not classically good-looking. If you were to look up 'trees' in the dictionary, you would not find one of these fellas." Lorelai, offended, asks the obvious question: "Why would you look up 'tree' in the dictionary?" Five minutes in, and we're past the best joke of the season. Rory defends the Charlie Brown trees, pointing out that these trees have character. They've survived long winters and forest fires and floods and maniacal woodpeckers. Yeah, well, this show has survived Chad Michael Murray. Who's tougher? Christopher says that getting seven trees for the house was crazy. "Dad, we have to have at least one tree in the kitchen," says Rory. "Yeah, Dad," poor Gigi chimes in, trying to be a Gilmore and being summarily ignored. Rory and Lorelai congratulate themselves on their tree bargain: a buck a tree! That is pretty excellent, truth be told. A few years ago, my mother bought a tree for her house that completely died before we all made it home for the holidays. So, in desperation, she rushed out and bought, like, the last tree she could find on Christmas Eve. The top had been completely chopped off, resulting in a total height of about four feet. Never, ever have I laughed so hard as when I went into the living room to find this pitiful tree as majestically decorated as the one at Rockefeller Plaza. It was leaning hard to the left and the angel on top was cringing with embarrassment. Mother tried to play it off like nothing was unusual, but when she practically had to give me CPR to get me off the floor, she gave it up: "Al, it cost TEN DOLLARS. I was DESPERATE." Frankly I am surprised that she has not adopted the Gilmore way of thinking as outlined in this episode. Rory and Lorelai are so proud of their dollar trees, no matter how pitiful, that they are thinking maybe they'll celebrate Christmas late every year. They'll have to be careful it doesn't catch on, says Lorelai, so that the post-Christmas Christmas tree prices don't get driven up.

Meanwhile, during all this chatter, Gigi is rummaging through ornament boxes. Lorelai picks up an old handmade one, happily telling Gigi that it was one Rory made back when she was little. "That's nice," says Gigi, kind of sad, wondering why nobody seems to like her. "Hey, look at this!" Lorelai says. "Santa's costume! Wow, that's seen better days." Now this, Gigi finds interesting: "Why do you have Santa's clothes?" Ooops, Lorelai has to backpedal. "Because," she hedges, "I used Santa's dry cleaning." Precious. "Wow," says Gigi. As Christopher brings in the kitchen tree and Gigi gallops off, Rory updates her mom about London. She says that she and Logan made up over the whole Marty/Lucy debacle. Logan apologized for blurting out the truth the way he did, and admitted that he was a little jealous about Marty. Plus, Rory goes on, she had to admit that a lot of it was her fault, too, for getting suckered into the charade: "I don't blame [Lucy] for hating me." But...why on Earth would Lucy hate Rory? Yes, it was crappy that Rory did not step up and tell the truth when Marty did his weirdness, but more than anything it was just weird, not evil. I love how they made such a HUGE deal about Logan and his truthiness before we went to hiatus, and now it's just this brush-off "oh, yeah, he apologized." Whatever.

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Gilmore Girls




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