Gilmore Girls
Santa's Secret Stuff

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Home For Fake Christmas

Chris comes in from the kitchen and marvels over all the Christmas decorations he just saw three minutes ago. He grabs up some mistletoe, ready to hang it in the doorway. "Oh," says Rory, "that's not where that goes." She says that they tape it up to one of the blades of the ceiling fan upstairs: "That way, the kissing is more of a sport." For once, I am on Chris's side when he makes his skeptical face. "That's a tradition?" he asks, and Rory says that, yes, their traditions are very important to them. My question is, is this really the first Christmas Christopher has ever spent with the two of them? ["Based on what we've seen on the show, yes. Based on what we know about the character...yes again." -- Wing Chun] He's never come over even once on Christmas Day to see the kitchen tree and the ceiling-fan mistletoe? Christopher wonders what other traditions he's in for, and Rory lists some: "Well, on Christmas morning we put red and green M&Ms in our cereal." Christopher says he's down with that one. They also hang their stockings up on the banister to avoid a repeat of an unfortunate stocking-fire incident, as well as heading to Weston's for candy cane coffee and cookies they bring home to decorate. "And then on Christmas Eve," Lorelai concludes, "we leave the cookies out for Santa's reindeer," because, as Rory adds, "Santa prefers gum." Christopher says that, while he is excited about all this, he figures that since this is their first family Christmas, it's time to start some new traditions. Does he not know these chicks at all? For example, he says, he's bought them all new stockings. From a shopping bag, he pulls the most elaborate, ridiculous, plush, embroidered designer stockings ever beheld by the human eye. Lorelai and Rory recoil. "But we have stockings already," Lorelai says. Not noticing her cringes, Chris goes to hang up the new stockings. He adds that they should all go caroling, and immediately gives us an ear-splitting sample, singing the refrain from "Angels We Have Heard On High." My very favorite moment comes when he says "in ex Celsius." (This is my tone-deaf husband's favorite Christmas hymn, and I have spent a great deal of time trying to coach him through the Latin. Here is a tip from me to you. Say it like this: "Een eggshell cease." There! See? That Voice degree wasn't for nothing. In your face, Mother.) As ridic as Chris is, it bugs me that when he tries to wedge himself into Rory's and Lorelai's lives, they won't even crack the door for him.

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Gilmore Girls

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