Gilmore Girls
Santa's Secret Stuff

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Home For Fake Christmas

At the CrapShack, Lorelai, Rory, and Gigi sit around the kitchen table in their Christmas sweaters, stringing popcorn and cranberry garlands. Lorelai and Rory proceed to have inappropriately adult conversation in front of Gigi as she works on her cranberry/popcorn ratio. Lorelai is upset about not being able to come up with something good for Luke's letter: "It turns out I can't write." Rory protests, but Lorelai insists that everything she writes is too schmucky: "'Luke Danes is a highly-regarded member of this community,'" she quotes her early attempts. "It's like I'm some documentary narrarator from the History Channel." She says she also can't get away from using the term "stand-up" when saying how Luke is such a "stand-up guy," and an "upstanding member of the community": "People are going to think he's turned into a comedian." I sincerely doubt Luke would ever been confused for a comedian of any kind. Thinking she'd try to get the letter going by writing down whatever came to mind, Lorelai ran into problems when she realized her head was just a big bag of weird, especially when her stream-of-consciousness attempts led her to the unhelpful phrase of "hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey monkey, underpants." Rory wonders if her problem with the writing has more to do with her feelings for Luke, but Lorelai ignores this. (And why wouldn't she, considering that this is the first time in eleven episodes we've even had the merest hint that she HAS any feelings for or about Luke?) Lorelai has a new idea: Rory should write the letter: "You are a wonderful writer. Everything you write is so good! Your grocery lists are like shimmering haikus!" Rory rolls her eyes, saying that Lorelai writes a pretty mean grocery list herself. "It doesn't have to shimmer," Rory adds. "It just has to be authentic and real." She says that, as a matter of fact, she's going to put her idea to the test by writing a letter to Lucy, apologizing for the whole Marty thing. "That's great," says Lorelai. "And when you're done, you can write my letter for me!" Rory refuses. Lorelai sighs that maybe the problem is the writing-by-hand part. She decides to pull out her old electric typewriter and give the letter a shot on that. I hate to break it to her, but typing makes nothing easier. Seriously, is there anything scarier than the endless potential of a Word document? I fear the blank page like nothing else. I would rather be covered in spiders. Oh, well, wait, I took it too far there, but you know what I'm saying. Rory and Lorelai are interrupted when Chris comes in from shopping, and Rory is alarmed when Lorelai immediately changes the subject, obviously trying to keep the subject of the letter from Chris. Christopher won't let anyone see inside the bags, saying that they contain Santa's Secret Stuff. "Lorelai knows Santa," says Gigi. "She does Santa's dry cleaning!" "Well," nods Christopher, to Lorelai and Rory's joint cringing, "Lorelai is a remarkable woman." They are making me feel sorry for Christopher? What is going on here?

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Gilmore Girls

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