Gilmore Girls
Santa's Secret Stuff

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: B- | Grade It Now!
Home For Fake Christmas

Back at his apartment, Luke is hanging up a scary plaster mask April made for him in art class. Luke is a good dad and says he loves it, though it looks like something out of a scary Lifetime movie called Masking My Pain or something. I hated this scene, as I do all scenes containing April though I will stipulate once again that the child is very cute. But, can we be done with this? Scott Patterson can't take this kid anymore. He is trying, and it's a yeoman's effort, but their conversations are a struggle. April and Luke have a talk which reveals that April is still in denial about moving to New Mexico, and though Luke does his best to cheer her up, April continues to grump about it. From under the table, he suddenly pulls a HUGE box, which April happily opens. Awkwardly, she has to break it to him that her grandmother already gave her one for Christmas. Which grandmother? The sick one in New Mexico? Did she mail it? Maybe. Poor Luke is disheartened, though April tries to insist that she can use two rock polishers: "You should see my rock collection right now. I've practically got a quarry in my bedroom." Cute. Luke tries to bribe April into happiness again with stories about the great rocks of New Mexico, but she isn't having it.

Lorelai is lying across her bed, thinking about the Luke letter, when Chris comes in. She very obviously whips the pad under the bed to try to disguise her activities, and passes her mysterious behavior off by saying she's assembling his Christmas gift. "What'd you get me?" asks Christopher in an annoying cutesy voice. "A Maserati!" she replies, adding that she needs some masking tape to put it together. She shoves Christopher out the door and yells for Rory, saying that they have to go shopping.

Hep Alien is getting ready for band practice back at the apartment, waiting on Gil to arrive. As Brian stares in awe at her huge belly, Lane raves about the latest album from Art Brut: "As far as I'm concerned, 'Formed A Band' could be the new national anthem." She finally has to bash on a cymbal to get Brian's attention away from her stomach. "You gotta watch the loud noises, babe," Zach admonishes her. "Loud noises?" Lane says, incredulous. "We're about to play rock and roll!" Brian notices Zach's new mandolin, and they've barely started talking about it before Zach is using the instrument to show off all the baby holds he's been practicing. "Man, Lane," he says, "I wish your mom was here! This is so totally rock and roll baby!" Brian is fascinated by the baby stuff, and practices on his bass. Lane is highly relieved when Gil arrives (WOO! Sebastian Bach, you are looking FLY), thinking they are finally going to jam. But, what's this? Gil's sitter flaked and he's had to bring his youngest kid, Macon: "I figured you guys would be a little more understanding, seeing as you guys are in the family way." Lane is so ready to rock, but the guys are obsessed with all things baby. Gil calls Lane the ultimate fertility goddess, and absolutely glows when he sees the breast pump they've chosen: "It's really gentle. I mean, my wife's got really sensitive nipples and this one didn't bum her out at all." HA! Lane uncomfortably yells that she's sure Brian is not interested in this stuff, but in fact, he's fascinated. Gil goes on to educate Brian further, telling him that women can either breastfeed or use formula, which is cool, too: "I mean, if you use formula, the old lady can smoke, drink, eat as many tacos as she wants. No problemo!" Awesome. Sebastian Bach should do commercials for Similac.

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Gilmore Girls




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