Lorelai returns to the Dragonfly to find a mostly naked Kirk passed out on a couch, ass in the air. Lorelai gives an A Mighty Wind-style "Wha' happened?" Luke tells her that Kirk landed butt-first in Taylor's rose bushes. "Oh, poor thing!" Lorelai whines. Luke says that didn't slow Kirk down, though, and that Luke managed to grab Kirk before he hit the miniature goat pen. Who keeps a miniature goat pen? Taylor? That man is twisted. Luke notes that Lorelai was gone for a while, clearly wondering if she was off kissing Digger somewhere. Lorelai blows it off, saying she had some things at home. It's totally unlike Lorelai not to immediately spill this story to Luke, isn't it? You'd think she'd run right to his arms, asking what she should do, how to make Rory not mad at her, happy that Rory isn't sleeping with Jess. Luke asks her if she's okay, and if there's truly nothing she wants to talk about with him. It comes across like he thinks she must feel terrible about kissing him earlier.
Luke and Lorelai are interrupted by the wails of Kirk. Lorelai says that they need to take him upstairs. "Lulu can't see me like this," saysKirk . Lorelai tries to argue her side, but Kirk screams, "Lulu can't see me like this!" loud enough that Lulu must have heard. Lorelai asks if she can take a look. Kirk says she can't. Lorelai confesses that she doesn't want to take a look. Neither does Luke.
Enter Sookie, who calls this a party. (Poor Sook must not be invited to too many parties.) Lorelai calls her Squiggy, and says she's got good timing. They make Sookie look at Kirk's butt, since she's a chef and a mom and looks at butts full-time these days, unlike Lorelai, who doesn't look at her daughter's butt anymore, now that it's gotten so big. You'd think I was making that up, but I'm not. Sookie immediately assesses the ass and declares it a state of emergency. Lorelai leaves for first aid. Sookie asks Kirk how he's feeling. Kirk apologizes to Luke for biting him. "They were after me," he says. Sookie asks who was chasing him. Luke explains that Kirk thinks assassins were chasing him. I've typed the word "ass" a lot in this paragraph. Kirk says they were under his bed in his room, so they chased him, down the hall, down the stairs, past Luke and Lorelai kissing, through the yard, over that fence. Sookie tells him the assassins are gone now. Kirk asks if he imagined both the assassins and Luke kissing Lorelai. Sookie laughs and says she's pretty sure he imagined both. Kirk says they looked so real. Sookie sees Luke give a guilty grin to his shoes. She pushes Luke into the foyer, telling Kirk to take it easy.